Self Evaluation 5: I Am Great

I am great, don't you agree?

As I review the past year for this annual self-evaluation process, I realize that - really - the company couldn't have done it without me.

Oh, sure there is a President who stands at the top inventing Policies For Growth, a slew of Vice Presidents who defend his policies, a company of Directors who administer the policies and a battalion of Managers who manage the administration of the defended policies.

But, finally, there is Me: The Doer.

It is my job to take those unconsidered, well-defended, ill-defined, micro-managed polices and turn them into money-making actions on a daily basis. And I do. This year the company made $15 million more than last year, so I must have done something right.

Oh, I am not alone: there are 123 of us Cubes here, each of us performing this task every day. I would like to say that everyone is as great as I am, but that would be stretching the truth a little - for, actually, it all rests on my shoulders. This is just simple fact. How do I know this is a fact? Because I write the report every month that compiles the facts. Look at my report. Fact.

So, in concluding this annual self-evaluation, I must make two observations:
(1) I deserve a hell of a big raise; and
(2) Please do not promote me - someone needs to run the company.