Virtual Tragedy

[A pre-Note from The Cube: The following lament does not imply that all facts, acronyms or accusations that follow are correct, merely that The Cube is in pain. This is King Lear wandering amongst the cubicles, howling his heart out, voided by loss. .... Well, perhaps we are a bit overwrought in our self-dramatizing. Nevertheless...]

As a folly-up to yesterday's mini-tragedy, we have today's version: VPN - the Virtual Private Network.

"Virtual" - that catch-all word for anything that splats out at you from a screen: computer, TV, PDA, media player or otherwise. "Virtual" becomes synonymous with "paperless," as in "You can create a Virtual Office using our XYZ applications" or the executive mandate to "KIE." (No, not another management mantra stolen from the Japanese: Keep It Electronic.)

"Virtual" - the paper trail is ether, not pulp.

"Virtual" - the archive caches everything, not just what you have physical room to store.

"Virtual Private Network" - from anywhere, anytime, you too can access your company network and work during the off hours. Oh joy!

Oddly, foolishly enough, The Cube asked for VPN access: a sense of responsibility, lads & lassies, makes us do things we oughtn't.

Be that as it may, in the past year or so the Cube has come to rely on VPN as the lifeline to Getting Things Done On Time without Living In the Office. To be perfectly honest, updating dull dull dull accounts is infinitely easier while sitting cross-legged on a sofa and watching reruns of anything on TV. And, to be more perfectly honest (pluperfect?), getting much done at the office while other people are there is perhaps more of a Platonian Ideal than an Aristotelian Reality. (And where else, The Cube asks, do you get both Plato and Aristotle in a business discussion?)

Back to Reality: The Cube, and many others, use, abuse and are in turn abused by the Virtual Private Network system on a regular basis. This weekend, for instance. 'Arranged Monday's scheduled activities with the comfortable knowledge that Saturday morning would be devoted to The Company - via the VPN.

The VPN is down. No access. No message why no access. No literal IT person to contact - it's Saturday - and, hence, no virtual network to work on.

The Cube is not alone. All along the grapevine of Fellow Cubes, a cellphone message of despair sings: "But I needed this finished by Monday!"

It will not happen. Monday will come. We Cubes will troop in. Nothing will be ready.

Responsibility betrayed by a Virtual Iago.