We're Firing You For YOU

[A Note from The Cube: This is non-fiction.]

Good Afternoon. Welcome to our monthly Employee Team gathering. I hope you all got some of the cake - Thank you, Annie, as always - and now we'll bring you up to speed.

There are a lot of rumors going around about "firings' and "layoffs" and "closing down the plant." I want you to understand that we are not, I repeat NOT, closing down the plant. We are keeping it open - for YOU.

Yes, for YOU. I know that 50 of you will not be here with us for our next monthly meeting, but we are doing this for the 400 of us in the U.S., China and Mexico who will still be part of a thriving business.

YES, we've had to bring in new, high-end executive staff to make this work and YES we've put the company in debt for the first time in 40 years and YES we have to lay off 50 line workers next month, and the next, and the next - and it's all for YOU!

How do WE - you, me, US - survive in this competitive environment?

By becoming lean and mean.

How do we do it?

By taking our low-end jobs and moving them somewhere that people will work for less!

And what does that mean for those of us left here?

MORE for US!

Now I want you to understand that this has a human face. We're a human company. No one is getting shown the door without plenty of notice* - you, YOU will have plenty of time to find another job within walking distance of this fine community that gives us so many tax breaks for our hiring policies.

We are talking Good Business Sense here: you understand that. Some of you have been with this company for over 20 years, and I know that YOU understand what it is to make a sacrifice now for the good of the future. OUR future, for those of US still here. A GOOD future.

Yes, it's tough. I hope you appreciate how tough it is on me - but I'm doing this for YOU. So let's give a hand to OUR future, yes!, OUR future!

Recorded Friday, 20 January 2006

(* Cube Note: Apparently the "plenty of notice" policy did not apply to the 20 clericals fired yesterday and given 30 minutes to clear their desk. They were probably bad workers.)