Re-Write Rule

A new variation on the maxim: "If you write it, it will not be read."

The new maxim goes: "If you have the power, make them re-write it."

Power. This means that you have to be high enough on the totem pole to "suggest," "request" or otherwise require others to do your bidding. Obviously, this is a given prerogative of the President & CEO, under whom all corporate beings exist. To the Vice Presidents kowtow the horde, too - though they have to play careful with other Veeps. Directors, managers, supervisors - each with descending levels of authority - and so on. It is a corporate pyramid hierarchy after all, not equal-vote democracy.

But Why-Oh-When would this power be exercised?

Easy. Back to maxim 1: When you haven't read the report in the first place.

BUT:

Somehow or other you find yourself in a meeting where the information contained in the report-you-haven't-read(-and-never-will) is a central part of the topic under scrutiny. Perhaps, even, it is somehow proven by some annoyingly efficient cubicle being that this report has been distributed more than once - to you! Perhaps maybe possibly it was discussed already and, because you have yet (an eternal, never-to-come yet) to crack the covers of that report.

Do not panic. Certainly do not show embarrassment at your failure to know the subject. Remember, not everyone has the talents of Sales Director Buck, who can talk for ten minutes on anything, whether or not he has a clue to the subject.

No, you are more subtle - and wise. That's the key: Look Wise. Do not make comments that will give away your ignorance. Instead, listen to the discussion for a moment or two, scribble some "meaningful" notes on the report cover or in the margins, then pick up on someone else's question of an issue by observing:

"What we need is a matrix to pull out this information. It's all too lumped together in here. Isolate the key points and prioritize them with a matrix."

The beauty of requesting a "matrix" is that nobody is 100% certain what a matrix is. Most people think of it as a spreadsheet - and, if there's no spreadsheet in the report(-you-have-no-intention-of-ever-reading) - then for your purposes a matrix is the spreadsheet they need to create.

Already a spreadsheet in there? Then:

"We need a matrix to rework the data - give it a graphic analysis."

What the hell does that mean? Who knows? A chart. A new spreadsheet with color? Time, time, time to delay talking about the subject now.

Let's be candid: this is poker. 50% of the people in that meeting are probably bluffing because, even if they've glanced through the report, they haven't read it for comprehension and, not so deeply in their hearts, they need someone to explain the report to them.

As for those who actually know the subject? Fine: let them feel superior for a moment or two - because, you know, that "superiority" will translate into: It's their responsibility. They'll end up doing it, sooner or later, while your mere attendance at this meeting and wise counsel will buy you a piece of the credit if it succeeds - or deniability if it goes bust.

It's a Win-Win for you, either way.