When You Know You're Not In Sales

Was invited to a meeting yesterday by accident. ("Accident": no one had confirmed and they needed to fill some seats for a meet-and-greet with some visiting VIPs. As it happened, everyone invited showed up to an SRO crowd, but I was already seated next to a VIP so I had an unnaturally "central" position that could not be vacated without awkward embarrassment to the company.)

The meeting was supposed to be a Getting To Re-Know You with a company that had been very small three years ago and was competing at that time to be one of our vendors. Since then, it was bought by a medium-big company that could eat us for lunch. (We're a little too big, they're a little too small, for their 'breakfast" menu.) So, the point: now they have $$$ and want us to be their vendor.

I have to say that they were cruel and victorious in a quiet, almost dull way. It wasn't their fault that our Veeps and Directors practically threw the company at their feet with an Anything For You, Sir abasement. Still, "quiet" and "dull" do not change the little knife jabs that they gleefully twisted around as they basically had our people jumping through hoops at the intimation that they would "consider thinking about it."

This is where I know I could not, would not, should not no never not be in Sales.

I know that our Veeps probably did what was necessary. Certainly no one shook with that excited frenzy you sometimes find with commission-poor auto salesmen on a Sunday evening. But, by the same token, they did practically tremble with anticipation of a "relationship" with a company that they had virtually dismissed only 36 months before.

Y'see, I could understand confidentially saying "OK, let's see what we can do for you" - but it never was said - or said like that.

Instead, starting from a position of faux "cool" (and it was transparently faux because the they were all nervously half-smiling at the prospect of the aforesaid intimation of a possibly considered large volume relationship), from the start they essentially abandoned every standard and guideline they had printed in the company materials. I don't think they we're even paying attention when they agreed to structural changes in a design that would have cost more to implement than the entire intimated order was worth. But not only did they agree - they began to suggest more costly alterations.

To which the other side, seeing which direction the wind was blowing, began to add increasingly arbitrary "requirements" in dialogues like:

"I don't see X in the current model. Do you think you could -"

"Not only can we X it, we'll add a YZ."

"Well, show us some prototypes and we'll see."

"No problem."

(Never mind that the current design was arrived at after 18 months of field study and design work - and that prototypes require 75% of the work it takes to get to a finished product - and this is on a "We'll see" request.)

In the end, for a "possible" order smaller than our current market average - with no money down and no further commitment - we are now committed to an accelerated development schedule on product variations that no one else has wanted, ever.

And our Veeps are happy. The halls were alive with positive vibes yesterday afternoon. No one seems to notice what they have done: everything for hope of The Sale.

This is when I know I am not made for Sales.