The Rules & Standards of Hell

Perhaps it is with deadpan seriousness that we will go down in flames. The following list was posted as official Quality policy yesterday:

1. Maintain Quality standards.
2. Discourage non-Quality thinking
3. Enable Quality.

This type of all-company memo complements the company's website marketing literature for a certain Security product, in which the "advantages of the system" are listed:

* Increased facility security
* Personal accountability now guaranteed
* Prisoner tracking enhanced
* Death Row incident reduction
* Terrorist identification
* Inexpensive
* Upgrade-ready
* Easy-to-implement, easier to use.

This puts us in concert, apparently, with the rest of the world, where both liberal and conservative radio stations can boast these statements with a straight face:

Support your Soul and Sheriff Dan Bowen

This store provides you with the revolutionary tools for your next radical feminist meeting.