Half-Day Holiday

It's a half-day today, not officially, and we came in only to go home at noon. For those living nearby it's great. For those of us commuting the long hauls, we can soon spend the afternoon in the holiday traffic. Still, it's better than spending the evening in the holiday traffic.

The new Vice President went back to his vacation, having fired Dan the Hyper-Active Boss Man yesterday. Only about half of us were here to find out about it. We're all walking around quiet and tense. Well, it will be time to leave soon. There won't be a lot of tears for Dan; he earned that disrepect the last two months. But he hadn't done a bad job, either, so people areworried about what's the new criteria for keeping their jobs. It'll be interesting to see what happens when everyone comes back after the holidays.

Dan 10: Dan's gone

[Notes from The Cube: Look back at December 22nd, the 17th, the 4th, and earlier for how we got to this point.]

To nobody's surprise - and, yet, it is always a surprise - Dan the Hyper-Active Boss Man was fired today.

Nobody's surprise: Dan has been isolated, ignored and abused for the past seven months. It's not paranoia talking here: about 6 months ago, at an all-management meeting, apparently the new President jumped so hard on Dan - for unexpected things - that other department management were talking about it. Not happily, either. And these were people who did not particularly like Dan.

Then the new Vice President was hired, by-passing Dan who had been the assumed heir-apparent for a couple of years, based on his till-then-superior job performance.

Then Dan began to act erratically: lost, forgetting how to do what he knew best, hurting everyone under him.

Things no one else knows: In the past week, learning that the new VP and Prez wanted to cut back personnel, Dan drew up a list of "expendables" as a first-strike To Fire shopping list. It was not a good idea: once Dan made that list - which of course he sent to the Prez & Veep in an effort to please - he might as well have put his own name on the top of the list.

Which is why Dan's demise is No Surprise.

But it always is a surprise when someone who has been very valuable, even though stumbling recently, is cut off in that impersonal, out-of-the-office-in-15-minutes goose step way that they walked into Dan's office just before his annual year-end all-department meeting and . . .

And . . .

We never saw him again.

We were in the conference room, waiting for Dan to arrive. The room was set with the food that Dan had bought for us, his annual year-end Salute To Us semi-party for those of not taking the week off. Suddenly the new Vice President walked in the door. He was supposed to be on vacation until the first of the new year. Instead he told us about Dan's "settlement termination" and about the Company's "new visions".

And that ... is the end ... of Dan the Hyper-Active Boss Man.

Catch-Up

The theory is Fan-tAS-TIC: we are going to catch-up on our backlog of paperwork this "empty" week between Christmas and New Year's Day. This is such a GREAT theory! It has been planned and discussed and promised all month and . . .

Remember: It took decades for Einstein's Theory of Relativity to be translated into the fact of functional atomic energy. We should be thinking in terms of long-term goals, not short-term realizations. The THEORY works.

it just needs time . . .

not much to do

Not much to do. The past four days were a holiday, and the next four...

This week, between Christmas and New Year, has half of everybody in the cubes on vacation - with the floor folk on a "required" week's vacation. It's a good time to either catch-up on things or sleep at your desk with impunity.

The Cube has decided to catch a head cold, which makes it imperative to come into work: who in his right mind is going to waste vacation time being sick when you can get paid for doing almost nothing at work?

Dan the Hyper-Active Boss Man is out today, but coming in later this week for our annual end-of-year all-department wrap-up. A very laid back affair, even for Dan, since almost no one is here. Actually, it's Dan's chance to do a little self-congratulating to those of us who are here. He usually brings in food. It'll be fun.

C'mon, pay attention! Holiday. No work. No write.

Holiday. Did not you read yesterday?

Holiday. There is no work, we do not blog.

Work Day: Yeah, Right

Technically, today is a work day. Yeah, right. Try.

30 minutes more before the teacher, er, boss lets us go home. Actually, we are only waiting fro him to come back from his party lunch - 2 hours and counting - if he comes back.

Advice to newbies: Expect a telephone call from the boss telling us to go home. Best to be here when he calls but, trust me, he is already home himself.

Dan 9: Dan's Lost It

[Notes from The Cube: Look back to December 4th for the most recent status on Dan.]

We had our last all-department meeting of the year. Dan the Hyper-Active Boss Man led it; our new VP wasn't there: he's on two-week vacation.

Dan lost it.

In a series of unprovoked tirades, Dan jumped on about a third of the people in the department, ripping apart their work.

He wasn't incorrect about some of the work, by the way, but but some of his attacks were simple head-butts from an alpha male on someone coming up with a different idea than his own. More that than, though it was so public - and strongly worded - and, and... C'mon, Dan, it's almost Christmas! "Ye of good cheere" and all that.

And it was mean. Mean in that way that says "I am hurting, you will hurt, too." Almost cliche, really, how Dan transferred his own insecurity into a drive-away-any-sympathy outlashing. Not that anyone was offering Dan any sympathy. And they won't now. But once upon a time they could have....

The Cube is going to have to get out of this situation. It's too painful to watch. Yeah, Dan's been screwed pretty badly this past half year, but he's not holding his head high: he's got flop sweat beading up on his brow and he seems to have forgotten all of the good things he knew how to do.

The PLAN 2: Role Model

The Cube feels vindicated today. Why? Our company Role Model - the President - agrees with The Cube's PLAN.

Not specifically, mind you, but in practice. This is clear, because the parallels between the President's PLAN and The Cube's PLAN are so obvious.

Problem(s)? Backlog of past year that needs to be Dealt With before starting the new year.

Solution: Develop a PLAN that schedules the time for the problem to be considered.

The President left this morning to go shopping for holiday gifts - he hasn't returned all day - I hear he may be out all day tomorrow, too. I am sure that is because, now that he has a PLAN to address the backlog, the President feels no need to work on the problem until the PLAN is initiated. That would show lack of faith in the PLAN.

Similarly, The Cube's backlog problem will be Dealt With in due time according to the PLAN.

Follow in your leader's footsteps, that's the motto.

Calmer Now: there is a PLAN

Based on yesterday's PLAN, The Cube is calmer now: everything on the desk here will be Dealt With - next week.

That's the beauty of a PLAN. Without a PLAN, one feels aimless. Looking at the pile of months-old papers starting to breed life on my desk, The Cube certainly felt the queasy scare of the lost explorer in the pit of my stomach - were it not for the PLAN. Now, however, no fear. The PLAN is made, the time is scheduled, the problem will be addressed - next week.

In fact, even though there is the opportunity to get started on it today, there is no need: the problem is taken care of because the PLAN is made.

It's good to have a PLAN.

A Bit Overwhelmed: Will Fix It Soon

Feeling a bit overwhelmed this end-of-year month. No big reports or projects due - those were all pulled-off earlier this month. But there is the pile of docs and stuff accumulated since last January that has to finally be Dealt With and it just . . . overwhelms.

It's a lot of shit piled up there.

There is a PLAN, though: this will all be fixed soon.

Just you wait until the "dead" week - between Christmas holiday and New Year's Day holiday - that's when this mess will be viewed, reviewed and Dealt With thoroughly and completely. This is a PROMISE.

Up Too Soon & Sinking Fast

5 a.m.
What a day
Started strong
Now drift away
There's no hope
Till noon won't last
Up too soon and
Fading fast

Dan 8: Isolated

[Note from The Cube: Look back to December 4th for the prelude to this.]

The department's new Vice President has arrived. It's mainly a ceremonial arrival, since Christmas/New Year's holidays are almost upon us and he's just showing his face before he settles-in come the new year.

In the past two weeks, Dan the Hyper-Active Boss Man has made the department spic and span. We have finished every project due this year - plus a couple of add-ons, unanticipated, from the new Prez and/or thought up by Dan to "fill in the cracks" where he saw that things needed to be done. That's Dan: looking beyond his immediate tasks to the future of the company as a whole.

All in all, the kind of track record that would look good at bonus time in a just world.

The new Veep has taken his introductory tour - alone: "I'd like an uninterpreted first impression" was his comment to Sam, according to the Org chart the designated 2nd in command. Fair enough.

Next day, the new VP met with the department managers - alone - "uninterpreted, you understand." OK.

The 3rd day we cubes had a group meeting with the department's new Vice Prez - alone - "direct face-to-face, capiche." Capiched.

We finished his first week with everyone getting to know the new top dog, Jed Cumber. Everyone except Dan. "We already met at the interview. You've got a lot to do to wrap up the year. We don't need to talk."

I think Jed's got Dan penciled-in to his schedule for the 2nd week in January. It's a tentative schedule, though. I know there's a manager's meeting with the VP for the first day back form holidays. Dan's not on the invite list - he's a Director, not a manager:

"I need you to set up the new year's project schedule."

"But don't you want to talk about it?"

"I'll make the changes I feel necessary."

But It FEELS Good: Compliment Whores

Kyra writes her Notes From The Cube . . .

OK, so - Yes, we're all Compliment Whores.

Even when we know it's fake.

It's TGIF and I'm feeling very proud of myself because the President recognized my performance today - in the middle of a meeting - in front of my supervisors, immediate and the one just above her.

And it felt good, and I liked it, and I want more.

Sooo much more!

I don't even think he meant it, the President - so much of what he says comes out of the hard-bound management books he has on his bookshelves, the compliment to me was probably #75: "Positive Reinforcement of the non-management employee." But it doesn't matter whether he was sincere or not: he said it.

I'm feeling the same giddy pleasure I had in 9th grade when Evan Shaw, very popular, sat next to me at lunch one day, probably because there was no place else to sit, and he spoke nice to me because that's just the way he was, it turns out. (He's a minister now, but who knew then?). But it didn't matter what Evan's motivation was, everybody saw him talking with me, some even got jealous - of me! - and my stock in myself rose 100%. It felt good and I wanted more feelings like that.

But I was in 9th grade, jasusmarynjoseph! I'm exactly in the beginning of my prime right now and I shouldn't be goo-gahing over compliments like a morning-after bride: I shouldn't because I really deserved those compliments 20 times over and now I'm weak-kneed over a single tossed scrap of recognition.

Ah, we're whores for compliments, aren't we?

The Cube adds:

Management should know it's that simple. Yes, we are.

Indians Can't Have This Chief

Texas Slim writes his Notes from The Cube to Kyra 'n Hank 'n Pierre from the past three days . . .

'Sounds to me like y'all got a problem of responsibility without power: sorta what we've got around my Cubetown.

How's that work? Simple.

You take a person and give 'im a cross-functional team to lead. Almost by definition "cross-functional" means "people from other departments." Now what this sets up, ideally, is input from a lot of disciplines...

What it sets up, on the ground, is a team with a captain who has no authority.

Because, in reality, no manager of Sales or Quality or Facilities or Accounting or wherever there is a person drawn from - none of those managers is going to give up his or her authority over his or her reports to you, the team "captain" who is not under his or her thumb. That's not in human nature.

And it doesn't matter if you're a manager yourself: in some ways, that may even be worse - I'm going to give authority over my reports to your department? I think not.

So these teams aren't really teams: they're . . . a mob? A "consensus group"? An "advisory board"? Let's give it the most positive spin: a group of well-intentioned people who have not got the authority to make decisions on behalf of the expertise they represent but have been placed in the position of representing that interest group.

Ya gotta talk, but...

Hank writes his Notes from The Cube to Kyra & Pierre from the last two days...

Ya gotta talk - because it's too easy to screw up things by doing without thinking.

The problem, of course, is controlling what's said without being a control freak.

DO it, don't talk

Pierre Dolet write to Kyra (yesterday's Notes from The Cube) . . .

When have you said too much? The bigger question is: Why don't you just start doing it? Everybody talks.

When have you said too much?

Kyra writes her Notes from the Cube . . .

This is the question I have about the development process: when have you said enough?

At what point, in developing plans, or brainstorming, or conducting a review meeting - at what point has everything relevant been said? When are we not only repeating ourselves but we've started going in circles, eating our own tail? Has "constructive" criticism become destructive - making suggestions just to hear our own voices? Changing things just because we can - or we're afraid to commit?

Did It: Weekend Done

We made it. Kudos to us.

Collapsed yesterday at 10 PM, closed eyes and swear there was no sleep but the alarm went off at 5 AM and shuffled the feet into action. Drove the car the 50 miles to The Place. Found The Cube just as I'd left it. Found The Team stumbling in as I am. Then, almost without a word, we began Doing.

Doing. The deadline approacheth.

Doing. We know what has to be done.

Doing. No grandstanding, no grouching, no slouching, just - doing.

And it's done.

Delivered.

We're due back Monday morning.

30 Hours & Still Alive

So --- we're on to the 30th hour and still alive. Still alive. Still . . .

It's a team effort this is, certain tasks requiring everyone at god-awful hours of the day --- on-call for all even while 75% could be sleeping (and are) half of the other time.

Keep busy myself, especially for those "off" times: too difficult to re-awaken. Drink lots of coffee. LOTS of coffee. Eat LOTS of cheap carbs and sugar-powered energy. Move a lot, then hunker into the intense moments when my tasks are due. Try to be helpful for others when I could be/should be in a corner looking like a corpse sprawled in a chair. (Oddly, I have set up a comfortable chair for taking naps in the daytime. Don't dare go near it now, though: I'd be deeper in dreamland than a drink-besotted wino. Keep moving. Keep moooovvvviiiing.)

So we're still here: pulling into the next stage, where we hand over the lot to another team to take over for 18 hours or so. Driving on a highway is an experience when your body is wired and your eyes hyper-opened. Glad I don't use drugs (too cheap to've started young, too dignity-conscious to start now): if I'd been on uppers, this would be dangerous. Coffee wore off a couple of hours ago. Now it's just endurance and, perhaps, the food kicking in from the corner Denny's. Thanking the deities for any place that sells breakfast 24 hours a day: sometimes pancakes, eggs, bacon and cholesterol are exactly what the body needs.

Midnight Run

About to start an overnighter. Haven't done that in a while: wonder if I still can.

The Cube is all about daylight hours and confinement with the other Cubes. This is the freedom hour. Yeah, I remember all the stuff about graveyard shifters a while back. Still holds true. But this is a flash from the past, a deadline run down to the wire, when it's all due by the Monday A.M. Fun.

Kin ah doit?

To see . . .

Do They Appreciate How Crappy I Feel?

No.

And how can they? 'Come in and smile and work and how are they supposed to know that I'm still achy from the last three days' stomach flu? I could whine a lot, beg for sympathy, but that's boring.

Ach, that's the problem with it: you don't want to be a crybaby victim - but only victims get sympathy.

Still, I wish someone would notice . . .

whine

Doctor's Note for no reason

Well, so here's how work begins to resemble elementary school: need a doctor's note to come back after three days out.

Actually, it works a little less logically: to come back after 3 days sick, one needs to go to the doctor on the 3rd day, while still sick, to get a note saying you won't be sick on the 4th day.

OK, so some people are out a looooong time and need to let the company know that they aren't transmitting TB or leprosy or influenza. But, of course, everyone transmits these diseases in the couple of days when the symptoms are just starting and they don't yet feel bad enough to stay home from work. ("Bad enough" = not enough sick days = can't afford to lose the pay)

By the same taken, as here, there are those famous 3-day colds, stomach flus and assorted viruses that you know there are no cures for, only symptom suppressants, and you'd think that a company would treat its employees like adults and take us on our word that "Hey, I was feeling bad for a few days, I feel better now."

Nope, 'doesn't work like that: 'got to spend $$ to go to a doctor to get the little note. The joke is that the notes are pre-printed, fill-in-the-date jobbies. My doc, nice man that he is, will give me a week off on principle - and, if I could afford it, I'd take the week.

But I've got to save those sick days, and those dinero, for the time I may become really, deep-felt sick. Today I just feel crappy-sick, 100 degrees achy should-be-in-bed-but-certainly-won't-die sick --- and I've got to crawl out of my comfortable covers to drive to the doctor to have him tut-tut "You should be in bed" and stamp my pre-printed note to go back to school, er, work.

Stupid "Heroes": Why you don't come into work sick

No, it's not because you pass on your sickness to others.

It's because you make stupid mistakes. Why? Because you're sick.

And it's your fault. Playing the "hero," the "martyr," the - - - egotistical self-delusional fool who thinks everything will collapse if you don't show up.

OK, so maybe, like here, the company is cheapjack and they don't have a backup for you and if you don't get this done today the opportunity will not be there tomorrow. But are you capable of doing it?

Nope.

Obviously, today was not a good day. 'Successfully ticked off half a dozen people while rambling through a fever AND broke a valuable piece of equipment because the shivering fingers were fumbling. Smart person today.

Monday: week ahead not looking good

Sometimes you just know . . .

Took off today to work on a private project. Sick day. A "use it or lose it" day, since the end of the year is approaching and I've got 2 weeks backed up and they're not extending us more than 3 days into the new year (something about federal law considering it a taxable benefit). Theoretically, I could sick-out half of December, but that would (a) screw up my co-workers and (b) screw up my deadline projects as well.

But I'm tired.

Problem, though: whenever I sick-out when not sick, I inevitably get sick the next day or two. I'm starting to feel the shivers already. Life is a cruel ironist.

Dan 7: Dan & The Incoming Boss - Wrong things to do

[A Note from The Cube: Check back to November 24th to see where Dan last was.]

The new VP is arriving in a couple of weeks and I'm thinking that Dan the Hyper-Active Boss Man is not handling this well.

Let's put it this way: Dan has every right to feel skunked, yes, since the new Prez had Dan interview the incoming VP as if the interview were for a subordinate manager. And then, it turns out, the soon-to-come Veep was the new Prez's former right hand man. Soooo.... I dunno what Dan said in that interview, but the way you talk to a potential subordinate is waaay different than the way you speak to a probable new boss.

But that is the past. The new Vice President is soon a-comin' and Dan held a meeting last week to inform us about it. "Us" being the managers under Dan and The Cube (by default, as the one taking notes at department manager meetings).

So what was Dan thinking when he started in by insulting the new Veep's name?! "His name's Jed Cumber - you know, like that hillbilly Jed Clampett. Spits a lot I hear. Stupid as a hillbilly, too." It would be nice to report that Dan was saying this with a twinkle in his eye and a joke in his chuckle. Instead, it was more like a serious critique and the eye was deadly.

Not helped by Dan adding: "After I interviewed him, my recommendation was not to hire: he knows shit about what we do." Oh, yeah: that mitigated the vitriol.

Wisely, halfway into his twenty minute introduction along the lines of "we'll have cover for him till he gets up to speed, if he ever does - or can," Dan added: "This is all confidential, of course, everything I'm telling you." CON-FI-DEN-TIAL. That's how he wrote it on the whiteboard.

No Machiavelli me, even I could see that half the room was populated by managers who thought they should have had Dan's job based on their seniority back a few years ago before he arrived. And, now, he's looking for their sympathy?

And the other half of the room? Well, quite a few, like The Cube, studied our shoelaces quite intently. The Cube likes Dan the Hyper-Active Boss Man: he's a smart fast intelligent guy, demanding but fair, rough on the edges but soft in heart.

And, now, stupid as a rock. This is the wrong thing to do. Oh so wrong.

Assumptions to Survive By

Notes from The Cube: The following assumptions were derived from watching Dan the Hyper-Active Boss Man in action for the past year. They were not Dan's assumptions...

Do not assume that everyone thinks the same as you do.

Do not assume that facts matter no matter what.

When you speak out, do not assume that anyone in Power particularly wants to hear.

When you make it a Me vs Someone Else choice, do not assume that everyone likes you.

When you Take On someone in Power, do not assume that everyone who agrees with you will rally behind you.

When you are not the captain, do not assume that there is no "i" in "Team".

Do not assume that an objective decision will be made.

Do not assume that your report was read.

Do not assume that the comments made were considered more than 60 seconds before they were expressed.

Do not assume that anyone remembers what was discussed at the last meeting.

Spike #4: Segue Away

So, much like charity, it appears that Genius must be its own reward - at least around here.

The Bland Boys & Marshmallow Men don't like live sparks. They need dull flames they can lower and raise to meet their changing comfort levels. The operative word is their. A loose cannon like Spike the Genius doesn't fit-in to their need for validation. He may say things they Don't Want To Hear.

Better to stick to the Typical Consultants, then, the ones who will tell us What We Want To Hear. Better to divorce ourselves from the Genius-type Spike, even if he developed the cornerstone foundations of some of our major initiatives for the future.

But, maybe, let's not tell Spike just yet. That would lead to Confrontation. Better to just let our relationship die a natural death, i.e., wither away from neglect. We just won't keep him posted on future plans - even if they involve his contributions. There's certainly no need to return those emails Spike sends. And, fortunately, we have the Confidentiality agreement with Spike to keep him in line and away from competitors. Why, in fact, if we don't formally break off our relationship, we can buy ourselves another year, maybe two.

Remember, this is objective business thinking we believe in, not the old-line emotionalism of the ancien regime. We are not letting the fact that we don't like Spike the Genius impact our decision-making. Not us Bland Boys & Marshmallow Men.

Spike #3: The Genius and the Other Consultants

Bland Boys and Marshmallow Men revisited. This is where the tragicomedy begins.

We 'ad a changeover in management a coupla years back. Originally it was supposed to be a "transition" - a segue from the Giants who founded the Co. to a professional Management team that would keep the fires burning as the Giants lost their strength and health. Chilluns didn't work out: they just... didn't. Give the Giants credit for recognizing that. And the Old Team were both gettin' old too and too busy protecting their fiefdoms to think ahead. So they brought in the pros.

Bland Boys. Marshmallow Men. No big personalities in this bunch. No Sturm un Drang, either, or whimsy-fueled decisions that could make-or-break the Co. in a toss of the dice. Steady types, responsible --- with, so they said, an eye to the future.

So, one figgers, Spike the Genius - with his contributions to the future - should have found a new home. A comfortable fit.

But, shifting metaphors, the shoe didn't fit.

Giants like Genius. Bland Boys like Smoooooth.

In the smooooth world of the Marshmallow Men, a Consultant has no personality, only "solutions." A Consultant does not present "problems" to be overcome, a Consultant sidesteps "obstacles." No matter matter matter what else: to the Bland Boys and Marshmallow Men, a Consultant never disagrees with them. They have hired this third-party, documented expert, very expensive Consultant to vindicate what they have already decided. "He agrees, therefore, we are right." Dialogue, discussion, dissension are not part of the Consultancy package that they have purchased.

Oy, Spike!, ya should ha' bin like the other Consultants!