Survival Mantra: After 6 PM...

After 6PM -

The food in the refrigerator is yours. Take it.
It would probably have been thrown out anyway.

Survival Mantra: After 4 PM...

After 4 PM -

No One else cares if you have a Deadline.

Survival Mantra: Your Best Friend Is...

Your Best Friend Is -

The Night Cleaning Lady
Who knows where every supply is.

Survival Mantra: If There's A Deadline...

If There's A Deadline -

It Will Break Down.

Two Days Late & I Know Better

Phenomenon noticed of late:

The semi-important person who waits until a day or two after the deadline for feedback - when lots of time and effort have now been expended on the "finalized" version - and now has important information on What Is Wrong.

5S: Go Team!

Pierre Dolet, our esrtwhile correspondent from a company going "5S," writes again...

So I walk in to work and suddenly the Company has what looks like a softball team walking around the halls and factory floor -

Everybody in the core group that has been studying/ implementing the 5S program - "The 5S Team" - is wearing matching polo shirts and baseball caps. In baby blue.

And they have a cheerleader.

A real, honest-to-goodness cheerleader - roaring with every "success" they have (they haven't told us what they're supposed to be doing, so I can only guess it's a success). They stand in a big room together and chant & clap the 5Ss in unison: "Sort - CLAP! - Set - CLAP! - Shine - CLAP! - YEAH!!!

(I know, only three Ss. I guess that's how far along they've gotten to date.)

The Cube responds...

It's sort of cute, isn't it?, watching them all dress up like Little Leaguers - because, let's be honest, not everyone should be wearing a cap. Ever. The Look of Authority loses some of its power to Impress when the Accounting Manager's ears are sticking out in that dorky kid fashion some people outgrew - and some didn't. Look for the Fashionable Woman Exec in her high heeled pumps, biz dress and 5S Team uniform: that will be one outfielder unhappy with her position.

But, y'know Pierre Dolet, in 5S it's important for everybody to "buy in." And what better way to prove your purchase than to wear the receipt?

Bend with the Wind

Yes, of course: it's easier.

So easier: You get the order - it makes no sense. Endless complications of a simple operation. Information wanted that no one will read. Three different directives that add up to a melange of data impossible to decipher - without another report to decipher the first report.

Or, more probably, sit on a corner pile orphaned and neglected.

So why do you go along with it? Theorectically you're paid for your skills and expertise in, at the very least, this small matter? Why did you spend yesterday and today mindlessly filling in a spreadsheet that you know reflects no reality - just because someone or two or three managers gave you a half-formed thought that included a binder filled with pretty, multi-colored pages filled with numbers and words?

The Chinese or somebody have a proverb about the weak grass and the mighty oak: one bends with the wind, one breaks. So The Cube understands why you bend. You are grown from seeds planted by a reward system that favors compliance and activity.

Question to Adam Smith: Does capitalism ever mow the lawn?

The Pass-Off

A recently learned lesson from a MarCom executive:

It is very important to pass-off your responsibilities and tasks.

Remember: You never know when you will run out of time. Therefore, whenever possible, point out that you and your department have "a number of deadlines in the pipeline" and set a meeting to "discuss priorities" and, if you delay long enough, the requesting party will run out of time and do it themselves.

Which they could have done all along.

Actually, you are helping the Company to streamline the workflow.

Mother Cube Nursery Rhymes: Priority

There once was prez who said "Do it.
And by 'Do it' I mean 'Now.'"
So you've wasted your night, just screwed it:
But he forgot he wanted it - Ow!

That is what we mean by "Priority":
For others to set for you and me.
Don't ever take it personally:
They haven't thought it through, you see.

The Recycled Meeting

'Ever go to a meeting that you swear you've been in before?

'Sat down with a dozen others, meeting leader began talking, other people began responding, back-and-forth, issues raised, objections voiced . . .

I was there last week.

Not deja vu. Not boring impression that "All meetings are alike."

No: this one had real issues - and the calendar said "today" - and, and

And I looked in my notebook and realized that we actually had this exact same meeting seven days earlier.

It was as if twelve people had done absolutely nothing between then and now - and no one was self-conscious about that, or apologetic, or acknowledged it. No one had thought about it during the interim, not a whsiper of a thought, an inkling of an idea. And, now, a collective amnesia.

I have been here before.

Monday Review

Per yesterday's To Do memo:

* Productivity v Activity: Failed to keep moving - got stuck with job I would have easily ducked with a little speed.

* Bullshit memo: Excellent idea - set up an email string that went around and back to me five times from seven people: 35 emails on one fake idea. 'Looked really productive for setting that one up.

* PRIORITY stamp: Actually needed it, damn!

* Planning: eh?

Sunday Night Memo for Monday Morning

To Do Tomorrow:

* Activity v Productivity - keep moving

* New Ideas - write a bullshit memo

* Ongoing - find someone who is always trying to get noticed and lay off the drudge work to 'em. (Note to Self: Stamp PRIORITY on the top page)

* Planning - schedule an emergency meeting for the afternoon, when not everyone one can attend at such late notice, cancel at the last minute and complain about lack of commitment to the company.

Fortune's Fables: The Exec Team (Nostalgic Memories)

Say Nothing Nick was mighty quick
With a smile or a shrug or a frown
If you said “Yes,” he’d never say “No”
But he’d look thoughtfully at the ground.

I-Gotta-Plan Pete had his words down neat
About how everything could be
Fixed with a plan: “Gotta have a plan, man,
Just don’t leave the details to me.”

Quality Sue was a bit of a shrew
'Cause she knew what her word would mean:
“I’ll set the bar, I’ll shoot down your star,
If you don’t meet the standards of – me.”

Heavy Harry was extremely wary
Of anyone else but himself.
Don’t try to make a plan without this man
Or you’ll find it stuck on the back shelf.

Anxious Anne had never met a man
She couldn’t bust with an harassment suit.
Though rarely used, it was much abused
By Anne’s threat of intended use.

When Nick 'n Pete, Sue, Harry & Anne
Met to make their plans -
Nick said nothin’ and Pete he blustered
And the others just waited to damn.

Well this went fine for a mighty long time
'Cause they’d once been first with the best
But now they weren’t so and as everyone knows
It’s tough standing out from the rest.

Still they didn’t change and the meetings they made
Went from long to boring to bland,
Till the company died and the team they sighed
With their golden parachutes in hand.

And the moral: it’s neat – just grab a seat
And I’ll tell you what you need to know:
That if you’re gonna to do nothing
Make sure you’ve got $omething
To take out the door when you go!

5S - Blind Faith

For the past couple of days, The Cube has been following up on Pierre Dolet's questions about his company entering a 5S program . . .

5S - according to those folks who make a bundle providing consultation services on the matter - is self-described as a "philosophy."

As philosophies go, 5S is fairly simple, boiling down to: Clean up your act and keep it clean.

Had 5S been Yiddish and not Japanese in origin, it would have been called the Momma Says Clean Up Your Room philosophy.

OK, so most folks aren't going to argue with the "Cleanliness is next to godliness" line of reasoning - and the Protestant work ethic that governs the American workplace likes godliness.

Where we fall apart is in the execution.

5S, for all its rules on red-tagging unnecessary things, SORTing out the trash, SETting IN ORDER and STANDARDIZing (3 of the 5Ss), sort of relies on that non-philosophical thought pattern called Common Sense.

Oy, Common Sense! That doesn't fit into a $35.00 business book, a $350/day consultantcy or a $35,000/year MBA program - those rely on a certain mysterium, magic and miracle to justify their hefty price tags. Common Sense - OUT! Definitive Leadership - IN. "I have paid, therefore I have learned, therefore It Must Be!"

Bzzzzz - it's also a buzzword among the other Captains of Industry.

Ommm - it becomes a mantra among the middle management, those who are mere Ensigns of Industry.

5S - It Be Good. It Be the Only Way. It Be -

Blind Faith.

Do what you're told.

A Consultant, a Captain, a Book, an MBA has said "This Must Be."

Around the Kernel of Common Sense grows the Hard Shell of Dogma.

"This Must Be."

Advice from The Cube to Pierre Dolet: Do not read or learn about 5S - ignorance is bliss and, by invoking the Original Philosophy, you may be burned as a heretic.

5S Explained (Sort of)

Pierre Dolet wrote a Note to The Cube yesterday about his company starting up a "5S" program. What is a 5S program? Well, a simple link for those who do not trust the Cube's interpretation is http://tpmonline.com/papakaizen/articls_on_lean_manufacturing_strategies/5s.htm.

And a (very) brief summary of the 5Ss would be:
Seiri - Sort
Seiton - Set in Order
Seiso - Shine
Seiketsu - Standardize
Shitsuke - Sustain

For those who do trust The Cube's spin on things . . .

5S is one of those "workplace 'philosophies' " (and the word 'philosophy' is double-quoted with reason) that seek to provide guidance on organization principles that can make things work smoother and more efficiently. Much like the Judeo-Christian-Islam evolution, this philosophy has its own progression: 5S - Lean Manufacturing - Six Sigma. Much like all of the religious philosophies, the origins were humble and well-meaning -- while the descendants have become, well, contentious in their divisions between fundamentalist blind adherents and those who try to understand the spirit of the thing. Both have their true prophets and hypocritical leaders - ah, but which is which?

The humble origin: Japan, bombed to rubble, turned to its traditional backbone characteristics of discipline, order and minimalism to rebuild the nation's industrial base. There were also assumptions of hierarchical loyalties and paternalism left inherently intact, if unsaid, but a key one was: you give your all to the company, the company is your home until you retire. Much like the U.S. auto industry -- until the 1970s.

So Japan's economic success was apparent to all in the 1970s and 80s, losing some of its shine starting in 1990 or thereabouts when it hit a recession which traditional answers have not found a way of resolving so far. But, by then, the American business management books had already been written for a decade about the "secrets" of Japan's economic success -- written and taught in the MBA programs for a decade or more. And, now, those MBAs are the Captains of Business & Industry, taking what they learned . . .

Now, trust the Cube for a moment, this is not a slam on the 5S-and-descendants philosophies --- but the Cube does note that those books and MBA programs tried to have the best of both worlds without really understanding either.

In America, for instance, the common phrase "Get a life" means that the job isn't everything and immediate self-gratification is part of the commercial equation -- and everyone buys into the concept of Democracy (whether or not we practice or understand its full implications). In Japan, those just weren't part of the equation when these workplace philosophies were developed: there were (still are) class divisions - and self-sacrifice for the larger goals of the group is intrinsic. Pierre Dolet, in his Note yesterday, mentioned that 80% of his company's manufacturing workforce is Mexican: still another psyche stirred into the melting pot of ideas.

But our MBAs and business books took only the form of the 5S philosophy, without questioning the underlying assumptions.

Drama - or comedy - ensues . . .

5S: The Team Descends (The Saga Continues)

Pierre Dolet sends another Note to The Cube about his company's 5S implementation . . .

They developed a Core Team or a Tiger Team or a Softball Team (they're all wearing blue polo shirts and baseball caps, so...) - a group of people who disappear for half the day, every day, with the 5S consultants. This went on for a week.

And then The Team descended on us.

Suddenly, there are RED TAGS everywhere. My cubicle looks like a Christmas tree or a fire sale advertisement. I'm not sure why. Nobody has spoken to me - I wasn't there at the time - they just swarmed into the space, attached their tags, and left. "Don't touch the tags" was the only direction I received, after the fact.

It was too late: I had already removed a few - the tags were in my way and on some stuff I was working with. But The Team said, "Don't touch" - so I lied.

What does it mean?

Will I go to hell?

The Cube answers: Probably.

5S - The Saga Begins

Pierre Dolet writes to The Cube . . .

We are beginning a new program: 5S - a Japanese management system transplanted to America and, in our factory, to be imposed on an employee base that is 80% Mexican. This should be fun.

The Cube expands . . .

Pierre Dolet, do you know anything about 5S - what it stands for, how it got started, what it does? Please keep me posted. . . . Oh, and it will be "fun." I mean, after all, Japan's economy has only been in recession for 15 years, so it makes sense to adopt their workplace models now.

Faith-Based Marketing

It has been decided to make and sell a faith-based product.

No one has developed Marketing Specs yet. Or defined the product - beyond a vague wish list of options that sounds a lot more coherent after three drinks. (Your choice: well or call.)

Oh, we used to do that stuff. Boring stuff, tedious - 'got in the way, really, slowed us down: all the paperwork, and market research and financial projections...

"Streamline the bureaucracy!" says the New Management - and we do.

("Besides," and this is the dirty little secret whispered by the remaining Old Management, "we mainly faked those numbers anyway.")

Does anybody want it? Even if not now, is there an emerging market?

Color? Size? Weight?

F-U-N-C-T-I-O-N-?

Dunno. 'Heard it from a guy, who knows another guy, that this could be really BIG.... (Oops, sorry: 'was at the track yesterday - 'wrong slang crept in... Sort of... not really...shit!)

It must be faith-based marketing -

Dear God, I pray it is

- because we've been developing it for the past six months and it rolls out Monday.

Godot Done Left

Finished the project yesterday. Six months, half a mil, twenty productive souls' efforts.

Brought it to Doc Control, ready to go. Countdown, Start the engines, Make the product, GO!

The pile was 6" high. A wary eye looked at it.

"Um, not me."

Four blank faces.

A sign: "On vacation - back in 2 weeks."

Four blank faces.

"Put it on that desk."

It sits.

The Good Lieutenette

She's quick and smart, ready to produce what her Captain of Industry needs. Supportive.

On the old ship, when the Captain was the Crusty Mariner, she understood.

"He's a take-charge guy. Some people fear him, but they shouldn't : not if they've done their job. He wants straight talk, information, not words just for the sake of wind. He's always accessible to people with solid thoughts and ideas. People who know what they're doing, they have no problem."

But, as time passes, all ships must be re-fitted, and the Good Lieutenette was set to serve a new Captain, The Smile.

The Smile was smooth and friendly and didn't give a damn about what you knew or the contents of your thought - as long as you agreed with him and were dimmer than the light of his Smile. It was a radiant light - and she understood.

"He's accessible, not like the Crusty Mariner, who was distant. The Smile reaches out - and people appreciate that: it's truly refreshing after the Crusty Mariner who, you have to admit, people were afraid of. People who know how to be team players, they have no problem."

The Good Lieutenette is quick and smart, ready to produce what her Captain of Industry needs. Supportive. Maybe not totally honest with herself, but that's certainly not a requirement for successfully serving Captain Smile. She's a team player now, basking in the radiance of The Smile, and that's what counts.

The List

The List is very important.

"Put it on The List," is a regular command at meetings. That is why it is so very important: we have acknowledged that it must be Listed.

The List is an object of worship - an icon - it exists in and of itself.

When placed on The List, "it" becomes a identified, deified, untouchable.

Untouchable. That's the most important part about The List: that - whatever is put on The List - has now been dealt with. "It's taken care of: it's on The List. Let's move on to the next issue."

Yes, Action has been taken: "it" is on The List. Do you want more done? What are you - an obstacle or a problem-solver?

Let it be for now: it's on The List.

IOAD

It's Only A Demo - IOAD.

Nifty way to keep paperwork off your back and standards out of the picture. Too bad it sounds like an obscenity. IOAD. 'Hope they don't accidentally sell any of them there IOADs. Ooops!

Smart People

Hank Gerber writes to The Cube . . .

Smart people are great people to work around.

It's awful fun to watch smart people strut their stuff.

'Never liked school much, the formal learning thing, so it's a gas to have an unintentional "teacher" to watch and learn from.

Best experience recently: Sitting in on a phone conference while two different lawyers argued - one pro, one con - about some IP the company owned. Their arguments were cogent, pointed and logical. I'm not a lawyer, nor an expert in intellectual property, and I could follow what they were saying, where they were leading. Then, at one point, they switched sides: not as an intellectual game, but with each one playing Devil's Advocate to his own arguments.

'Love that kind of casual intelligence: the Accountant who knows her numbers - not like a geek or a bean counter, but with a functioning comprehension of the underlying theory of organization; the Marketing Manager who understands the human psyche and its relationship to the Company's product - and how no advertising word should be just "there" as filler; the Veep with the elephant memory remembering the reason behind institutional decisions made fifteen years earlier, and prepared to learn from past mistakes - even from new people; the Board Director with the years in venture capital, sharing a doctoral level of experience and insight in a review of what was supposed to be a simple "leave behind" white paper.

Casual intelligence - not show-off. Smart people, not those who end an argument with the meant-to-impress "I know better than anyone else in this room."

That Engineer with the eye of an artist and the mind of Leonardo. The Manager with the accomplishments of Patton and the style of Mother Teresa. The Receptionist who can make everyone feel at home and in a serious place of business at the same time. The Operator who knows the machine like a cowboy knows his horse, responds to pressure like a Zen samurai, and can fix the Line problem with a minute's thought and a moment's right action.

Smart people are sure worth being around.

Two Meetings

So Don sits down at the Review. Quiet guy, easily ignored. Does his job and, now, a half dozen other departments are going to sign-off on the project - or find reasons to object and require changes for things that Don overlooked or otherwise missed.

But here is the beauty moment:

"I have to object, Don, because there's not enough data on the Triple Y process. Re-verification will be needed."

Don's soft eyes harden, his voice gets softer - and steely: "Page 7."

"But it's not -" and you can tell that the page is being opened for the first time, even though the Review Report had been circulated a week earlier, "it's not-"

"It's right here. Three passes. Each one exceeding published requirements." And you can see that Don is prepared. That he has actually preempted every possible objection by that old reliable: professionalism.

And his voice never raises, and he's till the pudgy, unassuming man sitting at the end of the table, and he shoots down every objection with facts and full disclosure.

* * * * *

Buck was brilliant at the meeting, dominating it in fact.

His strong-voiced comments forced them to reconsider the proposal's merits and to delay what - as Buck so powerfully observed in that good-humored way of his - what would have been a certain disaster.

Later, discussing the proposal with his assistants, Buck was overheard to boast: "Naw, I never read the thing. Who has time for that crap?"

Eh?

Crisp it up, Jack
Granularity is needed
The world is flat
Give me a Super Plan!

Fortune's Fables: In The Name of the Micro-Management Father

Malinka the Milkmaid loved her cows
Stephan the Shepherd loved his sheep
Together they cared for their little flocks
Better than Boy Blue or Bo-Peep.

Lawrence the landlord loved to order,
And order and order he did:
“Plow the fields, mend the mill,
Shoe the horse, feed the kid.”
(Goats, that is.)
Lawrence gave order to all that he did.

Still the farm was so big, so much to be done,
That Larry got lost sometimes
He’d say, “Stop.” Then say, “Go.”
Then say, “Catch-up, slowpoke.
We’ve got to get this done on time.”

Larry depended on Stephan and Mallie
To do their jobs well anyway.
“They know what they’re doing and if I forget
Then they’ll tell me and not go astray.”

Which would have been fine, but apparently not,
For as Malinka would say:
“When my boss tells me ‘Do’,
I do without thought,
For thinking is not what I’m paid.”

Stephan was different, he thought all the time,
But he thought like a lawyer in heat:
“If I do what he says and it’s not what he wants,
Or do what he wants and it’s not what he says,
Or go to the left when he says ‘To the right’ –
Oh lord, it’s hurting my head!”

Which brings us now to Warren the Wolf,
As hungry a beast as could be.
When he saw what was what
He knew what was not:
That decisions were never to be.

So he went to the cows and he went to the sheep
And he said to Malinka and Stephan:
“Lawrence the landlord wants me to be fed
Bring me lamb chops and steak by eleven.”

Now Stephan he knew that this was a crock
And Malinka she said, “This is crazy.”
But Warren the Wolf, he huffed and he puffed:
“This is what Larry said. Don’t be lazy!”

Despite both knowing the Wolf’s words made no sense,
The name of “Lawrence” was uttered:
And so though they knew that disaster'd ensue,
They served him steaks and chops in hot butter.

Moral:
If there’s no common theme, there’s no self-defense
When the shepherds behave like the sheep.
So masters beware, craft your orders with care:
For consequences to be what you mean.

The Vital Few

And the President addressed the Staff:
"We are the vital few
Who will save this business."

And each member of the Staff knew:
"I am one of the vital few
Who can run this business."

And they made their lists
To cut down the crew
Decisions were made
By the vital few.

And then the Staff was reduced
To skeletons too

Remainders
Survivors
But each one knew -

(Or prayed that the President knew)
"Those others they weren't
The vital few."

Answers You Shouldn't Give

It is naturally expected that a question seeks an answer - that a statement demands a response - that a business runs on rapid response.

The Cube warns: Not so fast.

Through sad experience, The Cube has learned to treat almost all questions, statements and Pay Attention To Me management comments as rhetorical - as in "Listen only to what I say - no matter the what, regardless of the facts - do not answer - because I want to hear the sound of my own voice."

This knowledge was not learned overnight, and The Cube admits to many an unintended career change as a result of answering some of the following:

Director: "This report for the Board: keep it simple."
Cube: "For simple minds."

Observation: Correct analysis, wrong to say it aloud.

VP: "Just because it was in the Review agenda doesn't mean you gave it enough emphasis."
Cube: "Look, I'm sorry you didn't do your part of the job, but the rest of us-"

Observation: 'Never got to finish the sentence - don't tell a VP he's a slacker.

New Pres: "We have to up the profit margin by reaching for the low-hanging fruit."
Cube: "Grab us by the balls, cut benefits and lay off entire shifts."

Observation: Correct forecasting does not prevent personal castration. We are all "fruit."

Meetings and Goals

As noted in the last posting, The Cube spent many an hour in meetings yesterday - and today looks like more of the same.

Many Folks From The Cube think that meetings are a waste of time, specifically their time.

Not so.

Meetings are an ideal opportunity to perfect:
* The discipline of meditation: sleeplike state of being that is yet alert;
* One's graphic talents: the doodle you make can great art fake;
and - perhaps most importantly -
* Your organic farming skills: bull____ is very essential to preservation of the environment - especially within the confines of the hothouse business climate.

The Cube has been to many valuable meetings, just not lately, or often, or with unadulterated pleasure. It is a Goal to be Sought: the Perfect Meeting - timely, to the point, with meaning for all participants.

It is an admirable Goal, and The Cube is not sarcastic about that - only a bit forlorn at its rarity.

Random

The Cube sat in three different meetings today - which certainly puts a dent in productivity (although the profile was amenably high). Anyway, with so much verbal priority, there was little time for making more than these few short observations:

Meeting #1: There is a thin line between documentation and meaningless paper.

Meeting #2: It's good for all the department personnel to see how confused it is at the top - it's not just their manager ordering them around.

Meeting #3: Remember to speak with a British accent - it makes you sound very important.