No Responsibility, No Accountability

The old saw "No Guts, No Glory" has a new face:

No Responsibility, No Accountability.

No, of course: it's not so new. Peasants in every feudal/caste system in history and privates in every army of the world figured that out eons ago. It's corollary is "keep your head low" and "only those who dare to look up lose their heads."

And the Communist bureaucracies perfected the apparatchik mentality of hiding behind the rule - oh so many rules - to disguise incompetence and, equally often (if not more) fear.

No Responsibility, No Accountability.

What's new (and, again, maybe older than history) is that the sentiment of NR,NA is traveling from the top down these days.

The Cube doesn't care about top-dog corporate execs today - hell, NR,NA is what they pay million dollar lawyers to convince juries was their "true" situation while raking in billions in (oh how sadly) government-frozen "performance" bonuses and faux dividends.

But, if one believes in the intrinsic capability of the Middle tiers - and The Cube is tiered smack in Middle - then one has to be appalled by a recent experience --- which The Cube, eyes newly opened, is seeing played out again and again.

And again.

No Responsibility, No Accountability.

It plays out like this:

We are setting up a new operation. Not too simple, since it's both new and requires coordination among 3 - 4 departments. Somewhere in the setup, The Cube notices that part J doesn't link up with part K like it's supposed to. A little closer look discovers that quite a few little C-Ds, O-Ps and X-Y-Zs exist but they aren't connected. Logic says they should be linked, somehow, and when The Cube investigates - asks some simple questions like "Why this?" and "What is that for?" - the answers confirm logic. So The Cube informs the Management and other Do-ers of the Middle tier.

To discover that no one wants the Responsibility of connecting those links - and maintaining them.

The conversations become surreal: voices acknowledge the issue, while eyes look in different directions, embarrassed, as if we were discussing genital warts. And no one - not one of three, four, five Managers wants to touch the issue --- even though it will affect the operation we are putting together.

No one wants the Responsibility. No one wants to be held Accountable.

It would be easy to say that "this reflects upper management style and temperament," but The Cube has noticed that there is not such a direct correlation. Yeah, Responsibility-ducking Tops spawn like-minded Middle children --- but The Cube has seen great things come from the Middle and the Line in spite of such skewed Toppers --- and has seen, is seeing, NR,NA Mids spreading like cancers under the sightlines of some pretty solid, standup Tops.

No Responsibility, No Accountability.

The Cube is feeling rather ashamed these days. It's easy to see how the Top - both the competent captains and the ambitious greedy bastards who certainly want The Credit - look down on the Middle.

The Ballad of Phil's Fortune

You know the tune; if not, fake it . . .

Let me tell you all a story ‘bout a man named Phil
He built himself a business from a tiny molehill
Then one year after working quite a while
He said to himself, “Hey, I’ve built me up a pile.”

Now his friends all said, “Phil, you’ve gotta have a Board.
If you wanna grow, you gotta know how to go forward.”
So he brought on three Directors from all across the land
And he paid ‘em all big bucks to give him a hand.

Big bucks – to advise
Because their CVs said: these guys are wise
And smart
And been around
Around.
Yeah.

Well the first Director said, “Phil, you need a consultant.”
While the second one said, “And of course a President.”
And the third one said, “With my colleagues I agree,
So we made a Search Committee and the President is me.”

The new President he said, “Phil, I need a free hand
And so the Board has voted, I hope you understand
That we’ll keep you on the Org Chart high and pretty
But really all decisions now they’re really made by me.”

The President, top man
Promised money in Phil’s hand
In a while
It takes time
To plan.
Yeah.

Now the President he brought in all of his new Team
Looked an awful lot like his old company
He said to Phil, “Your old crew, they have gotta go:
We need new blood and anyway it’s my choice you know.”

And he gave them all great salaries, big bucks for each man
And they made pie charts and tall graphs they called The Super Plan
And they promised Phil more money than he would ever want
As he sits in his big office growing old and looking gaunt.

Phil, that is – alone now
Everyone else is new
Laid off the old crew
And the factory too
Offshore.
Yeah.

Well now this is where we say goodbye to our friend Phil
The President and Board have bulldozed Phil’s molehill
The Super Plan went a-bust and led to bankruptcy –
But they all had golden parachutes and are happy as can be.

The Board and President and New Team Super Plan!
Heading on to New Horizons!
Brought to you by the cash flow from Phil’s molehill
And all those managers and workers and friends
Who put in twenty years on that molehill
And now have –

Yeah.

White Wall #2

White wall empty
Hum
Carpet dim footsteps
Voices flat
Breaking dreams.

White Wall #1

White wall
Empty
like the heart
Killing lives
unseen by the bottom line.

The Smile

The Smile -- an executive strategy? -- 'probably exists on several levels, but this is how The Cube has been watching it lately. No, this is not a poem, it just seemed easier to write it this way...

The Smile displays an even disposition that says
“I am your friend.”
That Smile does not say “I understand” or
“I am going to support you.”
It does say “I agree with you,” though.

Agreement.
The Smile will never disagree in public.
With anyone.
“Let’s take it offline, one to one.”
And then the Smile will agree with you – one to one –
And you –
You, too.

Or, maybe, have unavoidable schedule issues which
Keep preventing that particular one to one.
Until the problem goes away.
Or is ignored.
Or isn’t, but
Is avoided.

The Smile is very good at bringing
Peace to the organization.
Very good at avoiding conflict.
Very good at avoiding.

Until the Smile gets what it wants
Whether or not the conflict
Conflict –
“Are you an obstacle or part of the solution?” –
Conflict –
Don’t want that –
Can’t have that in this organization –
Whether or not the conflict brings up an
Uncomfortable truth,
Because
Truth is maybe not what the Smile cares about.

Not when the Smile is in charge.
The Smile wants results.
The Smile’s version of results.
We all want results,
Don’t you agree?

Coda: There are moments in life when The Cube is very glad not to be the one paying the Smile for screwing off with my money. But, probably, I wouldn't notice: the Smile is so friendly and and persuasive that it's dazzling.

Redline

'Spent a lot of time recently on the "new" management style, so here's a nostalgic trip down memory lane . . .

Show me what you’ve written
I’ll redline how you’re wrong
I’ll bog you down in shit and
Make your project long.
I do not trust your judgment.
(I do not know my mind, but)
I call it "check-and-balance"
(Though it looks like ass behind).
The rest of you don’t know a thing,
Only I am right: I am - the - king.

Well, obviously, not so "memory" after all, since it goes with any management style, depending on the mind behind the smile or frown or, possibly worst, the blank expression of "objective" evaluation. 'Have a nice day, luv!

In the end: Control

In the end, it's all about Control, isn't it...

Executing Plans #2

. . . Sometimes the plans are wrong.

The plans are based on an ideal, without necessarily having knowledge of inconvenient facts.

Or, just as often, the plans are based on other plans and the planners don’t feel it necessary to ask those down below, those who do, how real are the plans. “We want solutions, not obstacles” – and the simplest solution is not to bring up obstacles.

Executing Plans #1

What surprises you is how much is improvised. Great beautiful plans are drawn up by the hundred: general, schematic, detail, detail of detail.

And then, in reality, the plans don’t necessarily show you how to do the damn thing. What steps to take, in what order, how – to – do – it. Sure, there are logical orders, but not as many as you’d think.

Imagine assembling a Christmas bicycle – 10-speed, no parts pre-assembled – with only the parts list and a schematic drawing, no step-by-step instructions. Multiply this by ten thousand (because, really, a bike is so pitifully simple compared to a company’s business operations). Now add in one more factor . . .

Sometimes the plans are wrong.

"An ISO Certificate of Democracy"

Lest we feel alone in our cubicles, there are others who see the same things we do in the larger view, aka The World.

"An ISO Certificate of Democracy" -- an article headline that The Cube came across this weekend.

'Pretty much says it all... Nothing left to add.

Meetings: a haiku - Response: It's Training

A correspondent, Citrom, responds to the 14 May 2005 "Meetings: a haiku":

Perhaps they can call it a Training Session.

To which The Cube adds:

Only if they don't require an Evaluation: Training works best when no one is accountable for anything -- especially for what they learned.

Bland Boys & Marshmallow Men: Recognized

A correspondent from Canada, Pierre Dolet, writes:

I know them, the Bland Boys and Marshmallow Men. They’re the executives with soft, perpetually friendly smiles and neutral eyes. There is no anger, no emotion, to their decisions. You can’t argue with them, not on substance, because they won’t disagree – but you won’t necessarily know what they agree with, either. Management books are written for them, because they can quote an opinion and use its printed existence as justification – and always, just the same, have a distance from that opinion. Consultants are their messenger angels – again because its an outside opinion that they can use for justification, while keeping distance from the results. They will have flavor-of-the-month words from the business journals they read or the seminars they attend: flat world economy, granular, crisp. They are, always, "Professional" management.

The Cube cautions:

Be careful, Pierre Dolet, because you sound dangerously unaware of their Power. Don’t pass them off with easy sarcasm. These are the ones in control.

Or, to use a political Bland Boy term: the ones with the “mandate.”

Job Perceptions: The Sales Field Rep

The young moth was a go-getter, getting out of his cocoon before the others, flexing his wings, flying from the garden into the house to check out the opportunities. He smelled linen and cotton and rich tasty cashmere – and he smelled it in there.

Yes, he was far ahead of the other moths, just struggling out of their cocoons as he returned from the house, all of them eagerly asking: “How’d it go?”

“It was a fantastic success!” he replied. “Everyone was clapping for me!”

Courtesy Andrzej Mikos

An Apology

As you may have noticed, The Cube likes poetry - at least The Cube's poetry, ego-bound as that may sound. (This is a plea: please do not send in angst-filled verses.)

Once upon a time, The Cube wrote a report and was reprimanded for calling the Company's product what it was: a genitally-related term that was medically accurate. Apparently, though, delicate ears in More Powerful Cubes did not want to hear that term.

Oddly enough, we create euphemisms for what we make, for what we do. The Cube now assumes that a garbage collector prefers "disposal agent." We no longer die, we "pass." And one should definitely not say that the Company's piss-passing portals connect to the ! @ & * !

The Cube was astounded and amused by the objection. While familiar with the concept of Virgin Birth, the idea of penis-less urinary release was a novel idea. But The Cube was also not pleased with the Official Reprimand. The Cube now had a Record in The Files.

The Cube felt it diplomatic to apologize to the More Powerful Cubes, to wit:

If we writers have offended
Think but this and all is mended:
Since the words I did last profess
Fell on your ears with such distress
Under-thought and over-ripe they
Could not a simple joke convey.
Know this, know this: 'tis me to blame
Insisting that my humor's sunny.
Not you: you rightfully felt shame
Given such a dismal pun, we
Shouldn't have to hear jokes lame,
Hilarity requires thoughts funny.
In conclusion here's a word from me:
The word's to you -- Apology.

Yes, the first word in every sentence was made bold. No, five years later no one has yet noticed. Yes, The Cube did give it to the More Powerful Cubes. No, The Cube did not get fired -- yet.

Great quote from Hagakure: The Book of the Samurai ---

The end is important in all things.

Bland Boys and Marshmallow Men

Bland Boys and Marshmallow Men. That just about says it all, doesn't it...

No, there's a lot to say. Not now, though. We'll get back to them in time, just had to make the observation while it's fresh.

Fortune's Fables: The Deadline

Bear with us. In the spirit of Aesop and La Fontaine (without the furry little creatures), an allegorical fable witnessed from The Cube . . .

Once a king he did decree
“Of course my son will follow me.
And now it is important, son,
To defend ourselves against the Hun.”

The Hun, you see, was a raging force
Sweeping the world and, of course,
It’s threat pressed closer day by day.
So the prince set out without delay

To the farthest castle, the border’s end
Where stood a pass they could defend.
“Build up the walls,” was his first command.
“This is where we make our stand.”

Then every knight, serf, freeman and slave
To this task their efforts gave
And the walls did rise, day by day,
Ahead of the Hun – the land would be saved.

But –

The prince was smart and he did see
Improvements needed for the wall-to-be:
“This tower’s too short, this gate too thin.
To make this wall great, begin again.”

Well, he was right, he surely was, sir,
And even though the Huns drew closer,
The people tore their new walls down,
Then built them again to defend their town.

But –

The prince was smart and he did see
A weakness in the walls-to-be:
“The mortar’s slack, the bricks ill-formed.
The walls might tumble if we are stormed.

“Rip them down and start again:
To save our lives we must do it right, men.”

Well, he was right, no doubt of that.
(Though the Huns were storming down the pass.)
Still the prince was firm, he shouted out:
“We want strong walls, without a doubt!”

So the walls were tumbled from within
And they started building yet again.
But the Huns attacked before they were done:
Without defense they were overrun.

The kingdom was lost with the prince defeated,
The people enslaved, the king unseated.
And the castle wall? Never completed.

Moral:
Sometimes decisions – right or wrong, first or last,
Mean nothing when the deadline’s passed.

The Line

Thank God for the Line: they keep on making product despite us.

The Blame: Justification #1

He (nervously/confidently) walks into the meeting and sits down in front of his staff. He has been with the company ten years and, with the new executive management, now has five people working under his supervision. He’s not quite sure what all of his reports do, but he was assured by the (new) Vice President that he could “manage.” His first management task is to inform his "team":

“First on the agenda, as you may have already heard, XXX and YYY are no longer with us. It was decided, what with the new direction the company is taking, that we need people on the team who are fully committed to that vision and, well, they weren’t.”

Old Hire: “Vision?”

“Vision… yes, vision. We can be part of the team, finding solutions – or a negative influence, finding obstacles.”

New Hire: “Yeah, XXX was definitely an obstacle.”

Old Hire: “Did you ever work with him?”

New Hire: “No, but I heard what he was doing.”

Old Hire: “What about YYY – she probably knows more about this biz than anybody?”

He looks at the Old Hire (sympathetically/with panic in his eyes/sternly): “They were obstacles to the vision of the new direction.”

The New Hire and the Old Hire both turn to their team leader for support. He knows that what he says next will be reported back upstream.

(In the back of his mind, calmly,/With barely concealed panic,) he thinks: “They have to have been doing something wrong. Otherwise it makes no sense. Otherwise I make no sense still being here. They have to have been doing something wrong.”

But he says: “Let’s move on to the next agenda item.”

The Alzheimer's Executive

Tragicomic moment. The first "Employees First" meeting after laying off 20% of the workers. The President stands in front of the assembled crowd, annoyed that so few are in attendance…

Meetings: a haiku

If you have
a meeting
And no one
listens
Does it count?

The ECO

ECO - Engineering Change Order. Ah, it's called other things in other places, but it's always the same: The Document That Must Be Approved For Things To Happen.

Well, of course, when Approval is needed and things must Happen, you need an Approval Process and a Review. And a Standard. 'Mustn't forget the Standard. We'll use ISO - the International Standards Organization - because, doncha know?, it's international and it's a standard.

And let's just give our Review a full-fledged Board to make it sound official and have Authority. And an acronym - you've got to have acronyms - something like CCB: Change Control Board.

Now let's all sing:

Let me see your ECO.
Let me see your change.
The CCB will probably say "No,"
But write it anyway.
Who decides, we just don't know -
Submit it just the same.
That's the rule, follow ISO,
It's called the Paper Game.

Chorus:
Check-Mark!
Fill the box!
Complete the form
And pray:
A miracle may happen
They'll approve it
Any Day!

Hey!

Zero Tolerance

The Zero Tolerance Policy.

aka An admission that we don't have the wisdom to figure out what to do on a case by case basis.

aka Failure of Authority and Common Sense.