Meetings: Faces We Make

Some facial expressions noticed at this morning's meeting . . .

Interested - This is my meeting. I'm sure that everyone is as interested in this topic as I am.

Too Interested - I'm the new kid in town here, so let me catch somebody in a mistake and then I'll say something really impressive.

Alert - My report is up next!

Relieved - It's over and nobody said anything too bad about my report.

Anxious - I can't believe I screwed up my report in front of so many people. Maybe I can patch things up right after the meeting, if only it will finish on time, so I can write it during lunch and then . . .

Satisfied - I'm the new kid in town here and I just zapped that guy's report. I'm looking good.

Too Satisfied - Okaaay: I gave my report and they bought that bullshit.

Bland - Sure, this directly impacts my department, but it's really too much trouble to listen. I'll review the minutes when they come out and see what was said. If the minutes are not too long. I hate long minutes. We were at the meetings, we don't need to read about it later.

Glazed - I've got nothing to report, why am I at this meeting? Why am I at any meeting? When is my next vacation again?

Preoccupied - So I'm the President, and I've made my appearance but, c'mon, I'm not interested in these details: let's see if I can eText my wife for a lunch meeting under the conference table here while nodding my head every now and then to indicate interest.

Very Satisfied - My meeting is going fantastic! I can see the President nodding in agreement with everything I've lined up.

Acronyms Errors To Avoid

Sometimes our fingers slip while typing. Sometimes our minds wander into the subconscious, revealing the subtexts we mean but should not say aloud. Sometimes we just screw up. Do NOT make typo errors on the following homonyminous acronyms:

PS/BS
This would change your Post Script comment into Bull Shit - a frequent literary occurrence, but not one to be openly identified.

See also PS/TS - where it's truly Tough Shit that this happened, but not a good idea to include this observation in a letter to the President of the firm your Company is trying to woo.

PO/BO
While Purchase Orders frequently bear the stench of graft, corruption and waste, in polite society the Body Odor associated with the writer of the PO should not be referred to.

FAQs/FAGs
In our world of tolerance, the most Frequently Asked Questions should probably not be directed to one's sexual preference, especially using a derogatory term.

FYI/PYA
For Your Information may include veiled references to another party to Protect Your Ass, but do not announce this in the subject line of the memo or letter. Bad diplomatic move.

The Opinion That Must Be Listened To - Here's What You Do. I Don't Think So.

[This started on August 23rd and continued on August 26th]

Hank writes . . .

So your Supervisor gives an order to change a report that you know is accurate - no reasons: just because "I think, therefore it is." And I understand that you won't challenge this Supervisor because she makes the Rules for her reports.

But why not go to her Manager to correct the mistake? After all, blame drips down, and if this report screws up something later on, then sooner or later it falls on you.

Kyra answers . . .

Our company is very hierarchical: one is not appreciated for "speaking above your pay level."

We practice a lot of PYA around here: trust me, there was a memo from me "confirming" the changes that my Supervisor wanted me to make.

And if The Opinion That Must Be Listened To originally came to my Supervisor from her Manager, then I am as certain as I am in the existence of Taxes that there is a PYA memo from her to him.

The Tragik Komedy of Precision Ben - Part II

[Part I in on Sunday, August 21st.]

II.

We dived into the
...daily battle
Carved our modest place
Where, really, no one cared to settle
Where plastic dominated metal
Where small was large
...and death could still rattle
Where they recognized your face.

Precision Ben knew he didn't need me.

"Since we were boys," he joked ,
"You've looked back
Or you look straight down.
Me -
I will make my name in futures
I will forget the past."

So I left
Because
Fifteen years was not
...enough
To make me lose my hope
...in me.

Ben was on his own
...with the others
They argued & yelled like
...the unequals of before
Gave Ben their hearts.

He needed more, of course,
And when his brilliance
...burned a thousands suns
Drove them to new heights
And dreams
Faster than reality could
...support.
For five years, nine years,
...I forget how many
They lost most every penny
And owned their small world.

Do you wanna come back?"
...he growled to me,
"You know the value of
...a dollar."

And I did.

And did.

Acronyms: P

PO - Purchase Order or Post Office
PPO - Personal Physician Option (as opposed to HMO)
PPV - Pay Per View
PYA - Protect Your Ass

The Opinion That Must Be Listened To - Why? I'll Tell You.

[This refers to a Note from August 23rd]

Hank writes to Kyra . . .

You write that this JackieSupervisor's "Opinion Must Be Listened To" even though you know your report is accurate - why?

This is what ticks me off about the office: everyone keeps their mouths shut even when they know something is wrong.

Kyra answers Hank . . .

You weren't paying attention: Jackie had said "Because - this is what I think." That's all she is required to say. She's a boss, I'm a peon. That's her attitude and she makes the rules in our little world. When Jackie "thinks," it is The Opinion That Must Be Listened To."

Salesman's Lament

I couldn't reach your number
The number that you gave me was wrong
It was a mistake what you told me
Or maybe you were lying all along.

I tried to call you this morning
I tried how I tried all afternoon
Your eyes were so honest
When you said that you loved it
How could you have forgotten so very soon?

This is all premature
It's an over-reaction
I'll wait for you to call.
If you don't call soon
Then I'll know it's no mistake
I really mean nothing to you at all.

But you ate my freebie luncheon
You drank my paid-for beer
You listened to my sales pitch
And you promised that you'd hear.
And when I asked you for your number
You said "This is my di-rect line."
But now I'm talking to an 800 number
And I'm starting to think you lied.

I'll try dialling you just one more time.

The Document That Lies There

We placed it on the desk on time:
an IN box for the department to Process.
Not our department:
we cannot touch it more.

It lies there:
untouched.
It lies there:
they know what it is.
It lies there.

To say more would be
Unpolitic,
Pushy,
Crossing lines.

We must wait,
and become Buddhists
in our patience.

The Opinion That Must Be Listened To

['Just a little follow-up to an earlier Note - 'don't remember exactly where: it must have been brilliantly stated, though, 'cause someone else remembers, obviously:]

Kyra writes . . .

Jackie came into my office - well, my to my desk standing in the middle of a room with 5 other desks, actually, all working together: we are the Ops Support Team (formerly Administrative Support Department, but everyone is a "team" now) - to tell me that I must change the report that we 6 desks had spent 7 weeks compiling. Change it significantly.

"Why?" I asked. We had done our homework. Say what you like about LisaJoyAngieMarieBill and me, but the word "drone" has been applied to our antlike persistence more than once and we take pride in our accuracy, no matter how colorless or dull the result.

"Because," said Jackie. And then there was silence.

"Yes...?" said I, waiting for some details on our erroneous ways that I could learn from and correct.

"That's all you need to know," said Jackie walking away, "I think it should be changed, like I told you."

And Jackie - who, because she is a "Supervisor" and I a mere "Team Leader," carries some weight behind her thoughts, whether backed up by fact or no - has an Opinion That Must Be Listened To.

Ambition

Slim writes from Texas...

Ev'rybody wants to be what they are not
And of course to have what they ain't got
Pretty faces
Pretty souls
Another million
A new Rolls
Ev'rybody needs an awful lot.

The Tragik Komedy of Precision Ben - Part I

I will make my name in futures
I will forget the past

I.

Precision Ben, proud
...handsome man
...boldly charismatic and
...smart damn smart
...fucking smarter than me
Set the pace, the race
...early on:

I will make my name in futures
I will forget the past

God, it was a beautiful start

We ran & ran & ran
Man, he could design and plan
Damn!, they told us we can't
And they were almost right
What a fight!
What a fucking damn fight!
When they closed us, abused us,
Certainly misused us
Stopping us
In the middle of the day
Scoffing us
I can still hear them say:
"Boys, go home and play
You're too young
Boys, go home and stay
Out of our way, go on."
And only Precision Ben
...stood in their way
To say:
I will make my name in futures
I will forget the past

And we won.

For awhile.

Self-Made Rules

Citrom writes . . .

This is about Mitch, in the cubicle across the aisle.

I've sat across from Mitch for about two years now; he's a quiet person, but considered very hardworking. Recently, I've had the opportunity to work with Mitch on a few different projects, and I can add the words "competent" and "intelligent" to the description. It's very much a pleasure working with Mitch.

Except for his Rules.

Mitch, in his own way, is a subtle "anarchist": if there is a Company rule that stands in the way of what needs to get done, Mitch will ride over that rule without regard. Does the Purchase Order require 5 copies, 3 of which everyone knows nobody will read? Mitch writes up 2 copies and lets the nobodies notice and follow-up with him to press their point. So far, nobody knows nothing, does nothing, cares. So Mitch's point is made: it was a useless rule without sense, therefore it is senseless to follow it. And so on. I cannot argue: I follow every rule and feel trapped by the arbitrary nature of so many of them. Mitch is free.

Or so I thought.

But then, as I wrote earlier, there are Mitch's Rules.

It seems that, to get a grasp on things, Mitch has created a subset of mini-rules that guide him through any project. This is how he thinks, therefore, these are the Rules that must be followed to guide the thoughts toward successful completion of the project. I don't even think Mitch considers them Rules, but he follows them with the rigid adherence of self-discipline just the same. And they lead him to understanding the project, and that project is successfully completed.

But they are, just the same, arbitrary Rules: self-made, true, but Arbitrary just the same.

Why does this matter?

It doesn't, if you work in a vacuum. It doesn't, if you work alone. It doesn't, if your way is the only way.

But it's not. It never is. Never do you get all three of those conditions, together.

It doesn't even matter if you have conditions one and two - independence and sole control over the project - it doesn't matter because the sadness of watching Mitch work is that his self-made Rules stop on that one step before being truly creative: he only can do things one way - his way or no way.

This is the dictatorship of Self-Made Rules: for all their internal logic and usefulness, they create a wall - a cattle chute, if you will, that guides thoughts and activities down a predetermined path as surely as if hemmed in by Arbitrary rules, Bureaucratic Rules, Obsolete Rules or plain, old-fashioned Stupid Idiot Rules.

As the mini-tragedy of people like Mitch - hardworking, competent, intelligent people - Self-Made Rules mean that there will never be a breakthrough or "Eureka" moment: there can only be a repeat of what was learned, reapplied again and again. This will serve most instances, it will satisfy most needs. It will never innovate, always replicate.

And, meanwhile, the anarchist Mitches and their more silent kin rebel against the Company-imposed Arbitrary Rules that make their worklife miserable, building their own cell walls willingly.

How Can You Smile That Way?

Pierre Dolet writes . . .

Wipe the smile off your face when confessing failure.

There's a wry smile that permeates the "team," a sense of "Who cares" and "That's the way it is" that apparently allows one to mitigate the sense of responsibility with a shoulder shrug and a "knowing" grin.

Oh, they know all right: the Powers That Be never defined what they wanted adequately, didn't give enough resources, set an unrealistic deadline - and probably won't sell any of the stuff we make to justify having done it all anyway. So our failure was a set-up. Someone will pay. They'll probably lay off another 5 or 10 line workers to justify the shortfall. We failed.

So don't smile, wryly knowing or not, when confessing failure.

Deadline Presssss: Epilogue

We are lost again, unable to understand . . .

The Deadline, which started out as observation and evolved into participation - has now devolved into exasperation.

The Deadline was met. The Cubes in this quadrant have moved on to other horizons. But, looking back, it is Noted that ---

That ---

It's just sitting there.

The Deadline Project, that is.

The "DealBreaker-if-not-finished," "Layoffs if not shipped," "Bankruptcy if not completed":

Is

Just

Ignored.

It seems that the President and the 3 key Vice-Presidents have gone on vacation: Product Development, Marketing and Manufacturing. Somewhere, somehow, someone said to somebody: "We have to do B as a top priority" - forgetting to add "- once A is completed."

So, now, all of the minions of Marketing left for out-of-town to lay the groundwork on Project B - and all of masses of Manufacturing are moving things around to prepare for working on Project B - and all of the product, shipments, orders, documentation and profits of Project A are sitting in a corner.

They obey, these minions and masses. They have no leaders and, apparently, no thoughts of their own. Their priorities have been re-set: they do not question, ask or offer feedback - they obey.

"They" are Us, of course: Fellow Cubes.

We are very very smart, up-and-down the line.

Deadline Press 8: Over

The deadline was met. The company was saved. (The job, too.) Everyone's needs and requirements were fulfilled. A leviathan effort. Hours, days, weeks, months of effort cuminated in -

Delivery of a six-inch package of documents that means a product is ready to be manufactured and can be released and sold and -

Today there is another priority.

Another deadline.

Another -

S***!

Deadline Press 7: Last Night

This is the end - almost
This is the end - near
This is the end - when
Now
Ow
This is the end
First thing in the morning
This is the end
When it's over
It's gone
Now
Ow
8 AM - OK
9 AM - Too Late
It's 11 PM - Don't sleep
Midnight now - Awake
1 AM - Coffee
3 AM - Speed
5 AM - Hyper
7 AM - Please
We're almost there
Please
The end is near
Please
Don't interrupt
Please
8 AM
We're there.

Deadline Press 6

False hope or satisfaction?

The time in the deadline rush where you've put in hours and hours of work - some of it even good (damn good!) - and you're still not finished, may not finish on time - but you see some light ahead, and a lot of distance behind, and it looks like there's a decent chance . . .

Well, it looks that way. It's Monday morning and, against all better judgment, you're filled with optimism and - dare one say it? - a feeling of "We can do it."

Now, if the rest of the day is as positive as the first five minutes have been . . .

Deadline Press 5: Haiku

Sunday
and the intestines
tremble.
The Deadline
Monday
will still
come.

Deadline Press 4

It's

..........not

....................happening.

Deadline Press 3: Frozen

Yes, the deadline is coming on and you are frozen.

It is now Day 3 of talking about The Deadline - and you have done Nothing.

Zilch.

Nada.

Rien.

Niets.

Nic.

No-Thing.

Nope.

Zero.

It's getting down to the wire and you have given yourself Friday, Saturday & Sunday to shut yourself in - you have no one, nobody, no nothing around to distract you - and now you will finish this baby in a great, glorious burst of concentrated, hardworking energy.

You will.

Deadline Press 2

Yes, a deadline is approaching, it's coming down to the wire - AND, of course:

* There is probably a family event this week.

* The coffee machine is empty.

* The network's running slow.

* Your prime application hangs up.

* A crash, somewhere, sometime, after hours & during prime time.

* You realize that you are falling asleep - standing up - at noon.

* The printer is out of ink.

* There is a suspicious spot on your face that looks suspiciously like stress-activated acne - or SOMETHING LETHAL (!!!) - but there's no time to check it out.

* The copier says "Toner Low" - which doesn't matter because its jammed - which doesn't matter because it's almost out of paper anyway and - you're not going to get more before the deadline hits because - the paper order has been delayed by the holiday weekend that you're working through.

Deadline Press

Isn't it fun, when the deadline's almost come, when:

* The hourlies take their breaks like clockwork.

* The execs take their vacations on time.

* The managers schedule meetings about nothing.

* Your stomach is not feeling very fine.

All 4 One $

Pierre Dolet writes . . .

So, as a follow-up to one step in our 5S re-organization, we have posters put up all over the place:

ALL FOR ONE MILLION $$$

They took lots of pictures of lots of smiling faces - ours - and placed them over a map of the world: WE are going to conquer the world with our joint effort, bumping up the quarterly net profit by ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

In an unrelated side note, the 3rd shift was laid off last week. It seems they aren't part of the effort anymore. Unfortunately, the posters were made before the layoffs and - God knows why - all the ladies with the friendliest smiles were on the 3rd shift. They look goooood in the photos.

On a Meeting with the Mountains in View

Mountains loom behind the glass-walled conference room
Where sleepy faces not their heads and argue
The subject is a product with a future filled with gloom
And the voices coarsely insist, “Take the long view.”
But here there is no thunder. Here there is no heat.
Here there is no reason to believe in what is seen.
Here there is no present. Here there is no past.
Here there is no passion in the dream.
When the rust light slants across
The distant mountain range
The conference descends into the night.
Epiphany achieved within the profit gain,
Congratulations light up eyes now bright.
For now they’re going home,
Now they’re leaving here.
The meeting now is over,
There is great good cause for cheer.

Fortune's Fables: Turf

Once there was a tavern,
By the name of “Barney’s Bay”.
The owner retired to baron’s life
And was often far away.
So he left the bar and the land and the inn
In the care of his five sons
And they worked together and fought together
And rarely acted as one.

Still —

Barney’s Bay it was a success,
Built on the family’s toil,
For the service it was mighty good,
The location on good soil.
The food they served was excellent,
The wine it was quite fine.
And when you looked at the accounting books,
My how they did shine!

Still —

Other taverns started to build
In the neighborhood one day:
They were small and not so good as Barney’s,
But they wouldn’t go away.
One place it made a dessert,
Just as grand as you could eat.
Another place was not so clean but,
Man, it sure was cheap.

Still —

Barney’s stayed at Number One,
The place you’d want to stay.
(Though #1 was not so tops
Today as yesterday.)
The father said to the brothers,
“Swat these flies down, do it now.”
So they put their heads together
To devise a big plan How.

Still —

Barney was still absent a lot,
Gone on his long trips.
And the brothers were so long in-fighting
They’d forgotten what it is
To plan as one and share their thoughts
And bring their work together:
So the inn did rock and slip its dock
Like a ship befouled by weather.

Still —

Barney’s Bay stayed #1,
There’s no denying that.
While the flies grew into vultures
That were eying Barney’s ass.
For #1 in an empty port
Is a ship that is marooned.
And all could tell that Barney’s
Was a-sinking very soon.
The tavern it grew emptier,
More hollow day-by-day
As guests departed everywhere,
No one could make them stay.
Though the inn still made great coffee,
The beds laid with precision:
The brothers they had turfed so long,
They could not make a decision.

Moral:

Owners they should stay at home
And watch how things are run so
That managers who carve their turf
Should be the first to go.

Afterward: This tale of Barney's Bay is not related to the Latchkeys of yesterday - tho' absentee leadership is the theme of both: one is purposeful, one neglect. Maybe they both end up with the same result, but the Cube dinna ken if tha's so, laddies 'n ladies, The Cube dinna ken, since it's Life now without end yet in sight.

In fact, tho', the tale of today - of Barney's - was the road that led to the Executive change that found us the Latchkey of yesterday's observationing. There's a little more to it than that, tho', and someone be sure to remind me to tell some of the intervening tales of Giants and Bland Boys and Marshmallow Men, of the slain Teenagers of upper-middle-Management who served faithfully as retainers and paid the prices of their jobs as the Vice-Princes, er, Presidents, of both regimes hide golden eggs in their turf-built nests.

Latchkey Leadership

It’s cute, really, watching the kids play, pretending they’re executives with power, earnestly discussing “key” issues and “strategies.” Very impressive, all the card castles and Popsicle stick constructs they’re gluing together –

– And they’re not even teenagers: y’know, those upper-middle-managers who have been there and done that and still aren't executives. Oh, those teens were too expensive to keep around as babysitters. Teenagers, phoo!, always questioning authority by bringing up things like facts and statistics and, and Experience. Like they have Executive Experience in running an entire company. Read a book!, why don’t you?

But the kids now, they’re very serious, talking long and intensely about things they’ve never done before but are really really really excited to be doing now – the occasional weary joke from shared exhaustion – inventing “solutions,” missing Memorial Day weekend, the 4th of July, the– well, their families will understand, these kids are busy sweating out deadlines, bottom lines and organizational fault lines…

The President & CEO is starting his vacation tomorrow. Two weeks. ‘Haven’t seen the Vice President of Engineering for a while, I think he has a mountain cabin that needs fixing up a little. The VP/Production is . . . somewhere.

No matter.

The latchkey kids are doing a real good job of pretending they’re grown-up executives with real power.

Crippled: How to Document

The workflow crippled by How To Document.

'Sat in on a meeting where a full hour was spent on trying to figure out how to give a Part Number to a product component. I had no idea what they were talking about, since I was there as a fill-in for something else that was supposed to be covered by the meeting ('never was) but here is the apparent problem as Noted:

There needs to be a WIP in Department A but an FG in Dept B . Before that can happen, a PO must be generated - which can't happen until there is an approved ECO for the BOO, BOM, PS, MS, ES, PLS, DPS and Rat-a-tat-tats: no one quite knew which was needed for what and what went where. The product component was completed, verified, validated and qualified - no arguments there, no disagreements, no Quality "Yes, but..." - but everyone seemed to be bewitched, bothered and bewildered on how to document it to get it properly "into the system."

Also: Dept A thinks Dept B should be WIPped, too, to which B said "FG you!" and refused to talk about it. QA said "Let's take this offline" and calmed them down.

Oh, and they didn't come up with a solution, either.

The component missed its scheduled release. It was sold, but could not be delivered.

There is a meeting scheduled Monday with Sales & Marketing to discuss how to get the product component released.

The Knowledge/Action Disconnect

'Just one of those democratic questions unfettered by job title, pay scale, collar color or profession...

'Person sees that something isn't happening the right way, maybe needs a little straightening out, maybe needs a little investigation - maybe it's OK or maybe it's the tip of the iceberg for a problem - 'doesn't matter: it's definitely seen and just as definitely passed-on as if nothing was there.

Why?

'Can't say that it's the product of a hostile or oppressive work environment where no one sticks their necks out for fear of having their heads lopped off. True enough in those places, but it happens elsewhere as well.

'Not particularly talking about those times when it's REALLY BIG, when the "Uh-Oh" moment would require whistleblower fortitude and strength of character.

'Just the ordinary, everyday knowledge/action disconnects that add up over time...

Why?

'Sorta lost on the answer to this one.

Easy Shot #4: Cynicism

Cynicism is an easy out. The "knowing" shrug, raised eyebrow, cocked head. And, of course, the sarcastic joke - sometimes even funny.

How do you get past cynicism?

'Like to think that the joke masks a "We'll do it, no matter what" sentiment. 'Hope it does.

It's easy to slide into attitude as an excuse.

Acronyms: F

FYI - For Your Information

FEMA - Federal Emergency Management Agency

FICA - Federal Insurance Contributions Act

FUBAR - F***ed Up Beyond All Repair

Somebody To Blame

An Ode to the new Exec Management on
It's 2nd Quarter Negative Profits

Your plans, your chart projections
They reached so high, it seemed.
But some people said "That's not right"
You fired the ones who said that:
"We need a positive team."

Now your lies, I say your lies
They look so fine.
But as the numbers come in
They're nowhere near what you said:
It really is a crime.

Don't you want somebody
To blame
Don't you need somebody
To blame
Wouldn't you love somebody
To blame
You'd better find somebody
To blame

Sales are falling
Falling right through the floor
And though you always know what is "best"
It seems you don't know what we do yet
You really should be shown the door.

Don't you want somebody
To blame
Don't you need somebody
To blame
Wouldn't you love somebody
To blame
You'd better find somebody
To blame

And now, well yes, just now
You've found a goat.
You've brought in a third party
A highly paid consultant
Now it isn't your fault.

Don't you want somebody
To blame
Don't you need somebody
To blame
Wouldn't you love somebody
To blame
You'd better find somebody
To blame

Blame is falling
Falling all around the shop
You've laid off all the 3rd shift
Now working on the second
God knows when you're going to stop.

Now you've found somebody
To blame
More than one somebody
To blame
Anybody but your body
To blame
And you're glad there's someone
To blame.