Haiku: Cruel Wet Sun

Still rain
Long drive
Meeting
Picture window
Sun shines
Distant
Dry
Taunt

Haiku: Productivity All Wet

Rain
Twelve hour work day
Four hours in car
Productivity
Weeps

A Dream - or A Strategy?

Saturday night to Sunday morning: had 7 dreams last night - all were about work. Exciting. Filing in one dream. Two dreams had meetings. A couple went by just like the days do: forgettable. Only the last dream . . .

Ah, the last dream: we were planning a hit. We made the plan, revised it, sent it for review, revised it again - and got Approval. And then I woke up.

I have no idea who we we were planning to kill - obviously it had management's OK, so it wasn't a private grudge - and I can't even remember How we planned/re-planned/re-re-planned to do it. But what really impressed me - and what I really, really, REALLY want to remember is: What in the heck did we write to get Quality's approval?

Dog-gone it! We had Quality sign-off on the plan! Whatever else I do today, I am going to try to remember the wording of whatever murder plan I wrote that was so persuasive that I could get a QA OK. That-

That just doesn't happen everyday.

The Form 3: A Testimony

From Kyra, a truthful testimony to the power of the Form . . .

She met me, my supervisor, in the corridor. Her eyes were troubled.

"The bug report," she said.

"The bug report," I echoed. "Yes, I do it weekly."

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"It- it needs a form."

I thought a second before answering: "But it is automatically generated by the software."

"Yes, but we need to standardize it in a form."

"It is standardized - by the software."

"But not in a form." Her eye lit up with those orbs of a True Believer. "We need a company logo," she explained, "and our department identified and, and- we can put it on a spreadsheet with double-edged borders, which will make it look professional." She was breathing heavily now, panting with excitement. "We can print it out and distribute it. And of course save it electronically- Do we need a new directory? A new directory! I'll go talk to I.T. right now to set us up with a new directory that only you and me will have Write access to - but everyone else can Read!"

She rushed off down the hall, calling back her encouragement: "A Form! Make the Form!"

The only person who uses the bug report is me.

The Form 2: A Prayer

Our Form
Stacked on the top shelf
How is it you are filled out?
Your first line's blank,
Your second line's black:
Does it mean that we skip to the third?
Give us the input to fill in these blanks
And allow us to skip to Line 10
As we have skipped Lines 5, 6, and 7.
And allow us to fudge the facts we don't know
But consider this complete anyway.
For you are the paper that needs to be filled out
Today and Tomorrow
Form Without End
Amen.

The Form 1: Belief

It ain't the Form,
It's the Function.

That's the theory. You could just as well add:

That's not a Fact,
It's a Fiction.

Yes, you can, when you look at how many people fetishize The Form. Love, hate, fear, formulate, dread and masticate: we loves to make our Forms into the End All and Be All of the workflow.

The Form is a very religious experience: It Always Was This Way and It Always Will Be. To this eternal existence we have created our rituals of worship.

Like all rituals, we have scant knowledge of that unknown past when The Form was originally created - by Whom and for What reason? Like all good and enduring rituals, we perpetuate our Forms, create new ones constantly in tribute to the enduring, primal Form.

Is this new creation re-invention? An examination of the Function underlying The Form? No such heresies: we are updating the logo, changing the typestyle to make it more modern, but the underling Belief remains unchanged -- this is The Form, we shall not challenge its existence.

Ode: Meeting Minutes

The message of the meeting is repeated in the minutes
A memorializing message of minutely managed moments
When quickly crafted questions are redactively reduced
To bolded Action Items that will never be pursued
And prickly problems points are pinioned to a footnote
At the bottom of a page that is fortunately forgotten
While decisions are detailed in deadly dull description
In a style that makes you wish they were never ever written
But it doesn't really matter and you shouldn't really care
What is written's never read and what happened never there
It's a fiction more than fact for the facts are best forgone
And these minutes now here end they have gone on far too long.

Status Meeting

We had a department status meeting today.

Nothing new happened on a Policy/Company level, so there was nothing for our Manager to inform us about.

I was suspended last week, so nothing to report.

Two people were sick - unable to report.

Four people report to the two sick people, so they had to hold their reports till the sick people returned.

The other two people were laid off a month ago in this year's budget-cutting mandate.

The Department Status Meeting is held every Tuesday morning, 10-11 a.m. The suggestion was made at 9 a.m. that "Maybe we can cancel this week's meeting?" The suggestion was considered - and dismissed: "I have to report at the Manager's meeting tomorrow the status of my department as reported today."

I can't wait to read our meeting Minutes.

Medical Query

Wonder if the stomach pains are any reflection of the work environment?

When out for a week on suspension: no pains.

Back to the cubicles: constant.

Reflection on Suspension

So it's been a week since returned from suspension - and a day to rest - now to look back.

Amazing how nothing changes. One is back into the routine without much pause. It was like going on vacation: some work piled up, but for all the Sturm und Drang of the events leading to the suspension, everyone acts as if Nothing Happened.

Oh, sure, a few folks walk tenderly around this Cube. Certain orders, requests, and general knowledge memos are specifically routed to The Cube "through authorized channels." But nothing in the content has changed. And, by Friday, Dull Friday, everything was The Same.

It must be the leveling effect of Dull Friday - or Dull Week - or Dull People. They can't imagine Doing anything, so when something happens, they Don't.

Not much has changed since the feudal system, when the peasants could continue plowing while the wars went on around their fields. They'll only notice when their cubicles are raped.

Finished Friday

Finished Friday with a yo-ho-ho and a long afternoon of tedium. Tough to do anything when 99% of everyone, from the bottom-up-top-down-sideways-and-back have mentally checked out. Did it, but with a sluggishness that says, "Yep, it's the middle of February."

Feb's not quite the same as July: no one's TGIFing or looking forward to the weekend. Nothing to go home for the weekend to. Some places there's snow, some places there's slush, some places there may be sunny skies (although the weatherman's says differently this weekend) - all places there are Christmas bills that came in January and have hit their deadlines now. Tight cash. But even without the tight cash, there's just the muffled thud of winter.

Slept in this morning, which was nice. Now to face the dull day of freedom.

Could be worse. Could be March.

Survival?

Reading an article today about "surviving the office jungle" though alliances, training and strategy. No mention of going in and doing a good job for the sake of the craft.

They're probably right to think of it that way: survival. Most probably don't think of their jobs as a craft - at least not here in the cubes - and so there is plenty of mind-time to let the attention wander to things like Who's On Top?, How to Avoid Blame, and Which Way Outta Here That's Going Up?

Survival. Might as well go back to spear-chucking. Develop a few deft moves, learn how to dodge (claws, teeth, other spears), perfect your aim and - WHAM! - dinner for tonight. Certainly makes more sense than sitting in a 4 x 6, tapping at a keyboard, pretending to accomplish something, while keeping the ears tuned for intrigue, opportunity and danger.

When the layoff hammer falls, cubicle walls fall down in a row like dominos. Why think you control that? Stoic Existentialism, that's The Cube's motto this month. And if everyone is out to get everyone else - and "survival" has to be #1 priority on your mind - it's time, maybe, to enter a vocation instead of a job. I hear that firefighters stick by one another. In some professions, the "team" is real, not just a concept slogan.

Lost Between The Powers That Be

Sadly. Sadly.

How do you handle a crisis when your immediate manager is scared?

She's a nice person, generally, but she is totally unprepared to handle those situations where the Powers That Be have different agendas - and we are caught in the middle.

You can see her fright. It's because her Rules are broken. In her world, you follow the company procedures without question. With-Out-Question. This may lead her down blind alleys and wandering meanderings through fruitless paperwork that she will prepare and no one will read, but it is What Is Required and What They Want.

But those Rules don't work right now. Our Veep is breaking them and an opposing Veep is challenging that breakage - and she has to choose sides: follow our Veep, protect his ass, and knowingly break the very Company Rules which are the only things she knows how to follow - or follow the Rules, expose the breakage, back up the other (correct) Veep, and be exposed to our Veep's enmity.

She is so scared, since she has never staked her workplace ethic on integrity before. She just wants to do her job, without making those kinds of decisions.

She is taking a vacation tomorrow, with plans to leave halfway through today on a "just remembered" medical appointment. Maybe it will blow over by Monday.

Disconnected

One of the enjoyable things about being suspended is the "disconnect," as in: disconnected and denied all electronic access to the building, the network, and one's voice mail.

Apparently, someone has a How To manual that says all ex-employees are disgruntled and destructive. Apparently, also, the How To manual doesn't address suspended employees who may still need to work for the company and ignores the statistic that most destruction is accomplished by disgruntled current employees still on the job.

Oh, and the compact of trust - "Give me your word" - does not seem to apply anymore, either. Well, no surprise about that: the How To manual has no place in it for employee-management goodwill, only worst-case scenarios.

But, discarding honor and trust as elements in the workplace, there is still the matter of inconvenience to the company.

A few years ago, The Cube was in a company where 80% were laid off in a single hour - a bloodbath preceded by disconnecting everyone from the network. This earned The Cube a $100/hour consultantcy the next week when called in to reconstruct a $50K advertising poster that no one still there knew how to access.

After the recent suspension, fun fun, The Cube was "disconnected" from all company access. Now, since returning, The Cube has had much leisure time, since it is easier to disconnect than it is to reconnect the myriad accesses evolved over a 5 year period of employ. Every couple of hours we come to a standstill as we discover yet another access that bars performance of the job.

And, of course, nothing is ever reinstated, reconnected, or re-passworded without a glitch. 3 hours Monday, 1 hour Tuesday, another 3 hours today. All with other employees waiting as well.

It was a good How To book, one that knows a lot about the dark side of human nature and beans about the better part of people and how things work in the cubicles.

Irony Does Live

Ironic laugh: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Problem that got The Cube suspended for a week still exists. While the Cube was on enforced, unpaid "vacation," however, things happened . . . .

The Veep who didn't want to hear The Cube quoting the company's lawyer gathered fellow Veeps around (circling the wagons protectively) and they spent a week strategizing, came up with an action plan that totally blew The Cube's advice out of the water, and were all set to enact it ---

Then, fortunately, one meek little clerical forwarded a copy of their plan to the company lawyer. "I thought this was routine," she said honestly. (As it is, most times, except when Veeps are trying to be clever.)

The lawyer blew up!

"What do you think you are DOING?!?" he called in on a conference call almost immediately. "This will land you up the wazzoo in a lawsuit and it's exactly what I've been telling you you CAN'T do for the past two years!"

Hmmm.

So, as The Cube returns and is pointedly excluded from the next steps in working on this situation, the problem still exists, the fellow Veeps have all stepped back from it, disingenuously saying that "We were only offering our 2 cents worth, nothing concrete, it's yours to handle," and the original Veep has gone on a two week fact-finding tour of our offshore factories.

It is understood that there will be an Executive Policy meeting to review The Problem. Next month. Maybe the month after. Maybe The Problem will go away or, if it doesn't, maybe we can pretend it doesn't exist.

Back

So it's back to the trenches after a week's suspension, wondering how the day will go. Dressed up fine - not too shabby, not too classy - looking fit. Feeling crappy: didn't sleep, 'know that the issues are still unresolved. 'Still can't decide whether to pretend nothing happened or face it head on.

Logistics problem: 'still have the same "duty" to perform that resulted in the suspension in the first place. Responsibility without Authority. Yep, back to the trenches.

They Don't Know What You Do 3

Texas Slim writes his Notes from the Cube to Hank & Kyra . . .

Most scary (and let's be honest, it's no one's fault) is the fact that sometimes things are changing so fast that if you are not the one doing the job you can't know what it is anymore.

It doesn't matter the level: I used to work in Accounts Receivable, a Past Due deacon of detection. But the way they electronically work through those things now, there are analytical tools that would have made me redundant and leave me in the knowledge lurch right now for sure.

Move that up a notch: imagine I'm a Manager who doesn't believe in micro-management (a blessing) and has been out of the trenches a few years: how does he deal with his underlings when he knows that he doesn't know what the underlings actually do? It's a toughie.

The Cube responds . . .

I was going to stay out of this awhile, but I've got to correct Slim here: if the you have a manager who knows that he doesn't know about something, that's only a problem when he takes a defensive/aggressive attitude. If he's halfway intelligent and, being a non-micro-manager like you described, I'm assuming he is, he'll be smart enough to respect the situation. If he's not halfway intelligent - or insecure in some other way (and, really, how many of us are secure in our jobs these days?) - then you've got someone looking to blame things on: and it's always easiest to blame it on something no one understands.

But we're not even talking about "halfway intelligent" here: Hank and Kyra were talking about management not knowing that they don't know what you do. Or how you do it. They know results - usually results they want to see, not necessarily objectively - and they don't particularly care how those results were achieved.

Or maybe they care, but they still don't really know how it's done.

Or maybe they think they know how it's done, but they are off the mark. It's like with Sports, Movies and Politics: EVERYONE is an "expert" and absolutely certain that they know how it "should be." Yeah.

They don't really know what you do.

They Don't Know What You Do 2

Hank write his Notes from the Cube to follow-up on Kyra's thoughts from yesterday . . .

If they knew what you did, they'd do it.

* * * * * * * * *

OK, that was an easy shot - and probably not that true.

More likely, if they know what you do, it is probably because it's what they did once - and now you are stuck fulfilling their nostalgic memories of "How WE used to do it right."

That road leads to micro-management. It is the road best left untaken. Pray for ignorance.

They Don't Know What You Do

Kyra writes her Notes from the Cube . . .

It seems hardest when they don't really know what you do.

Yes, there is a "job description" that you fit in to - but does any job that isn't robotic "fit" perfectly?

I was hired to type reports. Within a month they discovered I can work with spreadsheets: set them up, create formulas, etc. Now, "typing" has more analysis and planning than keystrokes.

The problem is that they don't understand the underlying reasoning behind the spreadsheets - they only want the results. As a result, they still consider this part of "typing" and judge my work by output, not content.

Scarier still, they don't seem to understand how much I control their results: if I change the formula, the analysis reads differently - but because they don't understand the underlying reasoning, they don't follow through with a consistent above-and-visible reasoning.

"I want a Return On Investment worksheet" is the order.

"There are at least 3 different ROI formulas," I answer.

"Use the best one. Don't overcomplicate things: it's only typing."

Tap. Tap. tap.

Stupid - or Clever?

Pierre Dolet writes his Notes from the Cube . . .

Phone call from a man wanting some information. Sent it to him. Calls back: "I had to destroy this: it said 'Confidential' and I want to discuss this with others. I couldn't even talk with my outside counsel."

???

This is the first time anyone has had a problem with this. There are some Confidential things in the info sent; the only reason it was sent, in fact, is that the man had spoken with our Prez and, smelling a future biz opportunity, the Prez said when he called, "Send him our XYZ."

Well, we checked with our lawyer - he set up the Confidential document - and he suggested a couple of deletions that we could make to remove the Confidential parts of the XYZ. Did it, then took off the Confidential notice, then sent it. Man calls back: "You missed a 'Confidential' on page 17: I destroyed it. I only read public domain materials."

It was a standard-issue "Proprietary & Confidential" footer - a template from Word probably. Shows up on every other doc issued within every other company out there.

But, OK: re-moved it, re-sent it, added note: "All Confidential elements removed. Now available for public viewing, though not as public domain material: still has copyright protection." (Page 2 notice; again, standard issue)

Man calls back: "I only deal with public domain information. I destroyed it. Please send me materials that are in the public domain, as your President promised he would send me, or we cannot do business further on this."

Checked with Prez: Yep, he had inadvertently said "I'll send you our public domain booklet." Tried to explain that "public domain" means there are no protections whatever on the content: Man can use it how he will. Prez thinks I'm being over-sensitive.

I'm thinking the Man-we-want-to-maybe-do-business-with is either very stupid and doesn't understand the standard levels of copyright and proprietary information confidentiality - or he is very clever and intends to steal anything that is "public domain." I'm thinking we should contact our lawyer again. I'm thinking that, stupid or clever, I wouldn't go near that Man to do business with him with a ten-foot pole.

But I live in a Cube and no one cares what I think.

creeping clauses

And creeping clauses will catch you
Creeping clauses
...............................will
.......................................catch
..................................................you.

In the office, in the cube,
in the administrative stream
Lives a hope, a faint spark hope,
that things aren't really what they seem.
Could it be we're trapped in here?
Could it be there's no escape?
Is the auditor so near?
Is this paperwork my fate?

And creeping clauses will catch you
Creeping clauses
...............................will
.......................................catch
..................................................you.

There is hope, foolish hope
of streamlined smart transparency
Where all the things you write, you do
are governed by smart policy.
But this memo makes no sense?
This work instruction obscures all?
Is this procedure just pretense?
Erecting one more workflow wall?

And creeping clauses will catch you
Creeping clauses
...............................will
.......................................catch
..................................................you.

In the hallways, in the aisles
in the passages you wander
Lives a Monster, inborn Monster
Stillborn actions fill its maw.
Have you tried to do it?
NO!
Have you made it right?
NO!
Have you used plain common sense -
NO!
Have you tried to fight -
NO!
You cannot finish
Cannot start
Cannot make a decent try
The inborn Monster
Paper Monster
BUREAUCRACY's its name
It cries:
NO!
NO!
NO! NO! NO!
WE WILL MAKE YOU BLIND!

In the office, in the cube,
in the administrative stream
Lives a hope, a faint spark hope,
that things aren't really what they seem.
But they are.

And creeping clauses will catch you
Creeping clauses
...............................will
.......................................catch
..................................................you.

Kreativ

Whatsa matta wit Joe?

I mean, he wuz jus' doin' his job an' then Boss Ned come in 'n sez:

"Joe, you bein' Kreativ. Stop it."

Joe, he dunno know what "Kreativ" is, hez just doin' hiz job best he know how. He dunno how no other way. So Joe keep doin' his job, which ever'one else thinkz pretty good, 'n a week later Boss Ned come in 'n sez:

"Joe, you bein' Kreativ again. That's a Attitude Problem. Stop it."

Joe, he still dunno what "Kreativ" is, dunno what "Attitude" is - but he sure unnerstandz "Problem": itsa Problem when Bozz Ned don' like whut yur doin'.

But how to stop doin' it and still do yur job?

Y'see, I dun sum readin' since this started 'n I foun' out our Joe is Kreative: it meanz he solvez stuff bettern' we others do, in ways we didn't thinka doin'. Wichiz why we uze Joe a lot.

We shouldn'ta uzed him, it seems. Make him help us by bein' Kreative, I mean.

Becuz Kreative seems ta be bad for Boss Ned, cuz las' week he cum in with the Resource Humanz and they stand aroun' Joe an' all uv 'em say:

"Yep, itsa Attitude Problem."

An' Joe was out.

Kreative: itsa bad thing ta be when yur around the Boss Neds a tha world.

Codicil

But it still hurts.

Disciplinary Review, Part 2: shoot the company in its own foot

[A Note from The Cube: 'Still looking over what happened last Wednesday-Thursday-Friday.]

Once upon a time, oh about 9 years ago, The Cube was in a company where a secret takeover resulted in 80% of the workforce being given 30 minutes notice to clear their desks and leave. This happened on a Friday morning at 11 a.m. It affected all levels and even the survivors did not know it was about to happen, so there were no managers wandering about with dour faces before the fact, no secretarial rumours bouncing off the cubicle walls. All computers were disconnected from the company network while we were in the lunchroom being given the notice. All over and done with. Slam. Bam. Thank you, ma'am. The Cube had been working with a Marketing team making the last tweaks on a prepaid $50K magazine ad for an upcoming series of trade shows, final final deadline due by 1 p.m. Pissed away. Realizing their haste mistakes, over the next month the New Regime hired back a number of people as "consultants" at double and triple their salaries (needless to say, there was no good will offering of help), fighting a rear guard action to keep the company from hemorrhaging a million $$$$ worth of Product, R&D and Marketing assets.

So it was that Friday, two days after Wednesday's Disciplinary Review, seemed very deja vu.

It may have been observed that The Cube was very busy of late, most noticeably in a position of "pre-legal" responsibility that recognized over the past couple of years that: (a) The company lawyer had given the same advice on the same subjects many times; (b) The Cube had kept organized notes of the lawyer's advice and could provide them at request for executive review; and (c) The Cube's reports and analyses provided to the lawyer had apparently been cut-and-pasted into his documents verbatim of late. As a result, The Cube has been tasked with keeping the Company "on message" re: the lawyer's advice and has participated in (read: initiated, coordinated and lead in all but name) several active communications, actions and responses of an expensive nature - with the lawyer, with competitors, with potential strategic alliances to COMPANIES much larger than our Company.

At the same time, The Cube has inadvertently (and against my will) become knowledgeable in ISO, CE, UL, DoD and FDA ways and means.

On Friday the Company was simultaneously being audited by one of the Regulatory agencies and - it doesn't rain but it pours - the President of a Major Company telephoned in response to one of The Cube's alliance reach-outs several months in the effort. Two different departments, two different Veeps. Some important shit going down. The Cube was busy.

However, neither Veep was The Cube's Veep - these were loan-out activities - nor did they fall under the realm of the Offended Veep of two days earlier. But, there had been silence since the Disciplinary Review of two days before, faces had smiled at The Cube, work had continued at its frenzied pace. . .

Can you see where this is going?

11:15 a.m.

Moments after delivering a hand-notated procedural document to the Regulatory Auditor, and literally in the middle of the conference call between the Prez of the Major Company, our Biz Development Veep and myself, The Cube was asked by his "official" Veep to step outside the room for a moment. With notes in hand, The Cube stepped outside.

And into an immediate, out-the-front door, One Week Suspension.

The Biz Development Veep, who was waiting for The Cube (and the notes) to return, tried to stall, unaware of the "official" decision/action made. His phone call reached The Cube's cellphone on the drive back home. "It was an embarrassment," he moaned. "We looked like fools." So much for that avenue of strategic alliance.

The Regulatory Auditor, demanding certain procedural explanations and having no one to provide them, placed the Company on a Restriction until a written answer is given: Deadline - one week. A lawyer at roughly 12 times The Cube's hourly salary has been given The Cube's annotated procedural notes and asked to review and respond. So much for producing any product lines according to that procedure for the near future.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Cube is not that important to the Company, just part of a support team. But, sometimes, support is important.

Apparently, though, sometimes it is also deemed important for the Company to shoot itself in its own foot.

The Cube is on Disciplinary Suspension for the week, so the next few Notes will be from contributors still in their cubicles.

Disciplinary Review, Part 1

[A Note from The Cube: This didn't happen on the weekend, but sometimes you need a day or two to see more clearly.]

The Cube has been summoned to HR for a Disciplinary Review concerning "disrespect." As noted earlier, one probably shouldn't cap an animated discussion with a Veep by stating "Yes, let's just walk into a lawsuit ass-backwards like we never saw it coming. That what we always do." Apparently the Veep is a sensitive soul.

The interesting thing about the Disciplinary Review conducted in the Human Resources office is that none of the participants in the incident was there except The Cube. The Review was conducted by three people who were not there: the head of HR and The Cube's "official" supervisory persons. (A manager and a Veep - but the "official" has to do with being on loan-out to another Veep for most of the time: 'don't really work for these guys much. Don't ask why they haven't transferred me: office politics and budget allocations. Apparently The Cube's services get charged to other departments at 150% of what they are charged to my "official" department.)

So... no one in the room who knows what happened and some faces you hardly ever see or know asking you some personal questions.

The Cube let 'em know of a reluctance to talk about the incident without the two other participants present - both Veeps, by the way: the one I was working for at the time and the one words were exchanged with. The Cube does not like to talk in a vacuum. At the very least The Cube doesn't like to put words into others' mouths. At the very worst, one should have the right to face one's accuser(s).

Small problem here: The Veep that The Cube was working for, witnessing the event, didn't think very much of import had happen. "It had to be said," was the Veep's very Irish-type observation. "Probably I should have said it, but you can't let the company go walking ass-backwards into a lawsuit and if the point wasn't made strongly, then that's just what would have happened."

It turns out he wasn't told of the complaint nor the Review. He went out on an afternoon apointment and won't be back till tomorrow. All of this was set up after he left the building.

Now here we are in a Disciplinary Review, being questioned by people who weren't there, don't know the situation, haven't talked to the only 3rd party witness to the event, and - at one point early on - made it clear that they are uninterested in the issues under discussion: "just your tone of voice and volume."

I see a paper upside down on the HR Director's desk: the Review report has already been written. D'ya think their minds are made up yet?

Disrespect

Needless to say, it does not matter whether you are right or wrong when you tell a vice president that he is doing something ass-backwards: he is a Veep, you are a Cube - it is "disrespectful."

Again, it does not matter whether the Veep's idea would crash the company into a lawsuit at $410-per-hour - and you have pointed that out - and he has ordered you out of his office because, even though you are only quoting said $410/hr lawyer who gave that advice a month earlier, the Veep "doesn't want to hear that." You should not stand between a Veep and his fantasy world. And certainly not point out the fantasy elements. And certainly not describe it in terms that the Veep will finally get through his thick skull, aka, while leaving, "Sure, let's just go at this ass-backwards like you want." These things do not matter.

And do not factor in the fact that your strong stance shook him up enough to keep him from making the expensive mistake, saving the company potentially ten$ of thousand$. These things do not matter.

He is a VICE President. This thing matters.

(No, we will not play on the word "vice" - too easy.)

You must now be summoned to Human Resources for a Disciplinary Review.

Do Not Work Too Late

Note to Self:

Do not work too late.

Not because you have a life outside of work. ("Outside life" being, at present, an academic exercise in fantasy visualization intended to overcome the jarring reality of holiday credit card bills making the bank account a below-zero comedy.)

Do not work too late.

Because the next day you still have to work. And you will come into work the next day tired. Dog tired.

And make really dumb, stupid mistakes.

Like telling a vice president that he is doing something ass-backwards.

Do not work too late.

Ode: The Purpose of Procedures

The purpose of procedures is to tighten tricky techniques
In the process that pertains to particular performance
Of the policies proclaimed by the management mandates
That are promulgated partly by the bureaucrats because
The guidelines are forgotten by the lazy and the lousy
Ones who leave us in the lurch picking up the broken pieces.
So when you are feeling funky with particular procedures
Just remember there's a member of your team
To whom there's meaning.
Meaning just because they're screwy
You're the one who's stuck with hooey. Fooey!
Paying for their piper with your policy-pricked life or
Sitting sifting sheaves of policy procedured papers
What a way to spend a day as a normal 9-to-5er.