Simpler for Me

I want this procedure to be simpler. It's too complicated. It takes me more time to do the paperwork, to cross the T's and dot the i's, than it does to do the work. Here's my idea:

Eliminate reviews: I did the work, why waste time looking at it again?

We don't need Quality controls. Again: my work is good, do we need second-guessing?

No need for memos: we talk, we know what we said.

Drop the History file: once it's done, it's there. Enough said.

Too many signatures required. It should only be m- Well, actually, again: once it's done, it's there. Who needs to sign-off on finished work? And why?

It's all just an excuse for bureaucratic fat. We're leaning down here this year: trim the fat. I want it simpler for me to do my work.

First Month Gone?

It's the end o' January and the month is almost gone?!?

This is not a thought about Life Slipping Away - it's real-time tragedy: an entire month has gone by without getting started on anything!

It's sure fun to make jokes, snide remarks and superior commentary on how everything is Plan, Policy and Proclaim from the top. It is not so fun to realized that, in the middle of "leaning," the whole first month of the year has gone by without a single proclaimed policy plan being enacted to produce a salable product or service.

With apologies to both Walt Whitman and Sherwood Schwartz, creator of Gilligan's Island . . .

O Captain, my Captain!
Our ship by winds are tossed
And Gilligan's now at the helm
We're surely wand'ring lost.

Self Evaluation 5: I Am Great

I am great, don't you agree?

As I review the past year for this annual self-evaluation process, I realize that - really - the company couldn't have done it without me.

Oh, sure there is a President who stands at the top inventing Policies For Growth, a slew of Vice Presidents who defend his policies, a company of Directors who administer the policies and a battalion of Managers who manage the administration of the defended policies.

But, finally, there is Me: The Doer.

It is my job to take those unconsidered, well-defended, ill-defined, micro-managed polices and turn them into money-making actions on a daily basis. And I do. This year the company made $15 million more than last year, so I must have done something right.

Oh, I am not alone: there are 123 of us Cubes here, each of us performing this task every day. I would like to say that everyone is as great as I am, but that would be stretching the truth a little - for, actually, it all rests on my shoulders. This is just simple fact. How do I know this is a fact? Because I write the report every month that compiles the facts. Look at my report. Fact.

So, in concluding this annual self-evaluation, I must make two observations:
(1) I deserve a hell of a big raise; and
(2) Please do not promote me - someone needs to run the company.

Self Evaluation 4: History Question

Didn't the Chinese Communists invent the self-critique?

Self Evaluation 3: Around

Someone in HR thought it would be a good idea to have the employee make written comments, then the immediate supervisor writes comments, then the employee comments on the supervisor's comments. This has us both going back-and-forth in an awkward, embarrassing roundelay dance.

The tendency, if you are at all self-critical, is to emphasize your failings. By the same token, if you are at all defensive, you build up walls of (barely) hidden aggression. If you at all have an actual job to do, you slough off this long doc till the last minute and then rush through it.

The critical process.

Self Evaluation 2: The Form

The Self-Evaluation from Human Resources. An annual ritual.

It's a Form, of course. In Excel. Created by a person in HR who doesn't know how spreadsheets work and obviously didn't learn how to set up Forms in Microsoft Word or Adobe Acrobat.

The beautiful, beautiful Form. What would we do without it? See how its columns change and its rows slip up and down at will? Notice how the words truncate? It was so meant for clear communication. O Form!

Now... On to self-evaluation. The first step is to open the #@~!?!!! thing. It is a positive first step.

The Employee Self-Evaluation

It's that time of year again, and The Cube has to do a self-evaluation preparatory to receiving the full management eval. Oh Lord, what is the proper balance between humility and honesty?

Is Anybody There To Handle This?

We close the current thought-stream for these Notes from the Cube from Pierre Dolet . Another non-fictional entry. . .

Date: Thursday, January X
To: Carlos Miller, Joan Stevens, Olga Nikolaya
From: Pierre Dolet
Subject: Action Request # A2733

All: I am subbing for Ellen Chavez, who was laid off last week, so bear with me while I get up to speed. I need your help sorting this out.

Carlos: I have the September-requested AR #2733 that was submitted by Bill Shawn, who was laid off last week, too, but I understand he was acting as Requestor for this Action Request on behalf of the Calexico plant - and that, since you recently replaced Miguel Martinez, you called on this AR last week.

Joan: This AR was put on HOLD in October pending replacement of QA tester Holly Fides, who was laid off, to test the material for you - has she been replaced yet? Or is someone else handling her duties? If "yes," please advise if and when this test will be completed.

Olga: Since you are replacing Charles Norrell as the engineering handling this AR, I need a little better status/conclusion than: "Chuck was laid off in December, please cancel." You need to have the Requestor's agreement to cancel an AR. (Maybe they still need it.) [Yes, Olga, I realize that the Requestor is gone, too, but his Department still exists - even if it's been moved to Calexico and, yes, Miguel's not there anymore either, but we have to see if the Department still wants it - right, Carlos?]

ALL: Please review and discuss this among yourselves so that we can either COMPLETE, continue HOLD, or formally CANCEL this Action Request with the appropriate authorizations.

Thanks - keep me posted - I am returning the AR to Olga.

P.D.

We're Firing You For YOU

[A Note from The Cube: This is non-fiction.]

Good Afternoon. Welcome to our monthly Employee Team gathering. I hope you all got some of the cake - Thank you, Annie, as always - and now we'll bring you up to speed.

There are a lot of rumors going around about "firings' and "layoffs" and "closing down the plant." I want you to understand that we are not, I repeat NOT, closing down the plant. We are keeping it open - for YOU.

Yes, for YOU. I know that 50 of you will not be here with us for our next monthly meeting, but we are doing this for the 400 of us in the U.S., China and Mexico who will still be part of a thriving business.

YES, we've had to bring in new, high-end executive staff to make this work and YES we've put the company in debt for the first time in 40 years and YES we have to lay off 50 line workers next month, and the next, and the next - and it's all for YOU!

How do WE - you, me, US - survive in this competitive environment?

By becoming lean and mean.

How do we do it?

By taking our low-end jobs and moving them somewhere that people will work for less!

And what does that mean for those of us left here?

MORE for US!

Now I want you to understand that this has a human face. We're a human company. No one is getting shown the door without plenty of notice* - you, YOU will have plenty of time to find another job within walking distance of this fine community that gives us so many tax breaks for our hiring policies.

We are talking Good Business Sense here: you understand that. Some of you have been with this company for over 20 years, and I know that YOU understand what it is to make a sacrifice now for the good of the future. OUR future, for those of US still here. A GOOD future.

Yes, it's tough. I hope you appreciate how tough it is on me - but I'm doing this for YOU. So let's give a hand to OUR future, yes!, OUR future!

Recorded Friday, 20 January 2006

(* Cube Note: Apparently the "plenty of notice" policy did not apply to the 20 clericals fired yesterday and given 30 minutes to clear their desk. They were probably bad workers.)

Voluntary Termination

Kyra observes in her Notes from the Cube . . .

"Voluntary Termination."

I saw this written for the first time a few weeks ago. I saw it on a form. I thought, logically, it was meant for someone who resigns - but, no, we have a "Resignation" form, too.

Voluntary Termination. The person is called to Human Resources and offered a choice: get fired "voluntarily" - or anyway. Somewhat like Assisted Suicide for the terminally ill, I suppose: you are going away, one way or another, so why not help the process along - with our help.

Apparently there are benefits to voluntarily terminating your own job. I don't know what those benefits are. To tell the truth, I don't want to find out first-hand, either.

Dance With Me, Mexican Lady

Texas Slim adds his Notes from the Cube to Pierre Dolet's and Hank's from the past 2 days . . .

I love the Mexican ladies.
I really think they're fine.
But,
Dear Mexican lady,
I think your job was mine.

I don't hold it against you
I know that's what
I would do
With a family to care for.
Feed a child or two.

But, dear Mexican Lady,
I look across that border line
And I think
That the kids being fed -
They sure aren't mine.

Dance with me, Mexican lady!
We both want decent lives.
I just wish that somehow,
Maybe
It didn't end with someone crying.

Oh, dear Mexican lady,
I worry
About you.
They say that I will get along fine
But what are you gonna do?

When the long-distance bosses say:
"Get the margin higher, Jake!"
And the job of mine
That you're doing now
Will be worked in another place.

Hello, Chinese baby.
Are you 12 or 13 now?
Come and dance with the Mexican lady
And me:
We know your job real well.

Dance with me and the Mexican lady!
We all want decent lives!
I only wish with that somehow
Maybe
It didn't end with someone crying.

Does it always have to end with someone crying?

Laid Off

Pierre Dolet writes his Notes from the Cube: "I found a ska song to match Hank's message yesterday...

You know
you can't work
in one job
all your life
So the Man says
"Go a-way."
They don't need you anymore
They don't want your knowledge nor
Any machine you know how to play.

Laid Off -
You're out the door.

Laid Off -
They want more

Money in their pockets.
Hey, you know Life sucks and
Get out now!

But you gave
them
the best
of your work
and your life
And the Man says
"That's just Biz."
Got to ruin other lives
Get that profit margin high
You don't really matter
Nothing really matters
But the Dime!

Laid Off -
They want more

Laid Off -
A lot lot more

Money in their pockets
Hey, you know Life sucks
Your life is Mine!

Well -
I never thought it would end like this
CEOs need to be more rich
I worked my fingers to the bone
Just to lose my job and home
For WHAT?

They're making 2 cents more!
For WHAT?
They're showing us the door!
For WHAT?
They're driving big fat cars!
For WHAT?
Goddam big damn arse!

Laid Off! Oh, yeah.
Laid Off! Shit, yeah.
Laid Off! Fuck, yeah.
Laid Off!
.............................. yeah.

Waiting for the Ax to Fall - on someone else

Hank writes his Notes from the Cube . . .

Yes, so the "honor" was given me "confidentially" and I was told that a co-worker is being let go today: "Please don't say anything." Great: I get the "honor" of a scrunched-up stomach and pity-filled heart and not even the power of decision-making. What am I supposed to feel for being given this knowledge beforehand? Complicity with the boss who's doing it? Thanks or relief that it isn't me? I didn't slack off for the past year: in a just world, I shouldn't have to worry. But I know that my boss is worried, so I'm guessing that the timing for letting the guy go was not based on a just-world decision. "Let go" tells it all: the guy should have been "fired" a while ago, but right now there just happens to be an across-the-boards mandate to "reduce costs" and he just happens to be the least visibly valuable. Again, in a just world there would be a replacement for him - because we really do need someone to do his job - but that's not happening. Crappy feeling, this waiting around for the ax to fall on someone else.

Primadonnas

Texas Slim writes his Notes from the Cube . . .

Weeyaallll... so I haven't quite decided if I like primadonnas in the office or not.

In general, they're a pain in the ass: vain, pushy, egotistical. No one's gonna argue much about that.

By the same token, usually the primadonna's done something to earn that inflated sense of self-importance - and, more important, is still doing that something.

That puts the primadonna in a different class from the drones droning away at whatever they are assigned in a competent dull way. Or, just as frequently, in an incompetent dull way: drones don't distinguish - which distinguishes the primadonnas from the drones.

Of course, everybody thinks that the other department acts like primadonnas - especially the Sales and R&D folk - and that may be true: but that's corporate culture personalities at play. I'm talking about the individuals who are sure they're top shit, want everyone else to know it, and generally have what it takes to actually be top o' the pile.

Do I like them or hate them?

I - don't - know.

I have, in the past week, wanted to kill a primadonna: he gets very very VERY on the nerves. I have also benefited from another primaD's brilliance (which, I wish wish wish she hadn't proclaimed herself so loudly).

In either case, the primadonnas are more interesting than the drones here in the cubicles.

So what will it be: A life of turbulent interest - or dull safety?

NOT Still Monday? (a haiku)

Tuesday
and the motors rev
slowly.
It is not still
Monday?
Sigh.

sigh

[(Literary) Notes From The Cube - 4 hours later: Per yesterday's entry on The Law of Infinitesimal Nit-Picking, critical input is not solicited on this haiku. Unsolicited, The Cube has received 35 comments on the haiku form - to which The Cube answers:
...It's 17 syllables, so it fits the rules.
...It's all in italics because italics look poetic.
...It's not in Japanese, so how can you tell if the lines scan right?
...I don't care.
Yes, it is Tuesday - sigh - so don't push me: there are still 3 full days to get through.]

The Law of Infinitesimal Nit-Picking

(Scientific) Notes From The Cube: It is an office axiom that -

No idea is good enough.

Every idea benefits from input.

It easier to address an issue step-by-step than as a whole.

Therefore, all ideas should and will be subjected to a detailed, micro-managed, nit-picking critical review limited only by the following conditions:

a) Is the critique-giver required to know the subject?
* If "yes," add a limitation
* If "no," solicit opinions from anybody in the company.

b) Is the critiquer required to study the issue?
* If "yes," add a limitation
* If "no," give the critiquer a position on the Review board.

c) Is the critiquer is allowed to make it up on the spot?
* If "no," add a limitation
* If "yes," give the critiquer a place at all meetings.

d) Is the critique verbal or written?
* If written, add a limitation
* If verbal, expect more useless feedback than imaginable.

e) Will the critic be required to participate in achieving the results of his/her commentary?
* If "yes," add severe limitation; critical input ceases
* If "no," give a free pass to Review Hell.

The Law of Infinitesimal Nit-Picking states that the degree and amount of unessential critical commentary is directly proportional to the number of limitations placed on the critique-giver: i.e., the fewer limitations, the more bullshit will be shoveled.

Power Dress for Fun!

Kyra writes her Notes from The Cube about an old bugaboo of hers, dressed up in new duds . . .

Here's an idea for the upcoming week: Power Dress.

Maybe it's not a good idea to out-dress your boss - certainly it's not a solid, long-term, career-advancement strategy for a woman with a woman boss - but it can be Fun!

And it doesn't have to be limited to women. I think it even works better for men!

Here's what you do:

Pick a Wednesday or Thursday, about that time when everyone is starting to get run-down by the week (but before Friday when casual relief we're-almost-there takes over).

Choose the day when there will be a cross-departmental meeting, preferably one where the Upper Ranks are present.

Dress well.

Not evening clothes. Not your most expensive outfit. But dress as if YOU own the company.

Then don't comment on it.

Don't solicit compliments. Don't get shy about it. And don't make a Big Deal about it.

You don't have to: Others will notice, comment and talk about it.

All you have to do is act as if this is Normal. Someone says, "You're looking dressed up today?" Answer with a simple, of-course-attituded "Yes." They will ask you "What's the occasion?" Answer: "None" - and look at the questioner with eyes that say "Do I need an 'occasion' to display my natural class?" And so on. You are the Owner of this company - in your mind.

The effect will be electric.

People are so easily impressed by externals.

[The Cube comments: "...by externals" - what Kyra's talking about here is also internal. 'Sounds like fun, but be sure you can pull it off. If you think like a drone, it might be hard to pull off the Queen Bee act simply by wearing a jeweled crown. 'Just a side thought. The Cube has the feeling that Kyra won't be in the cubes with us for long: she's either gonna be promoted or out on her ear. Either way, she's not a drone.]

Virtual Tragedy

[A pre-Note from The Cube: The following lament does not imply that all facts, acronyms or accusations that follow are correct, merely that The Cube is in pain. This is King Lear wandering amongst the cubicles, howling his heart out, voided by loss. .... Well, perhaps we are a bit overwrought in our self-dramatizing. Nevertheless...]

As a folly-up to yesterday's mini-tragedy, we have today's version: VPN - the Virtual Private Network.

"Virtual" - that catch-all word for anything that splats out at you from a screen: computer, TV, PDA, media player or otherwise. "Virtual" becomes synonymous with "paperless," as in "You can create a Virtual Office using our XYZ applications" or the executive mandate to "KIE." (No, not another management mantra stolen from the Japanese: Keep It Electronic.)

"Virtual" - the paper trail is ether, not pulp.

"Virtual" - the archive caches everything, not just what you have physical room to store.

"Virtual Private Network" - from anywhere, anytime, you too can access your company network and work during the off hours. Oh joy!

Oddly, foolishly enough, The Cube asked for VPN access: a sense of responsibility, lads & lassies, makes us do things we oughtn't.

Be that as it may, in the past year or so the Cube has come to rely on VPN as the lifeline to Getting Things Done On Time without Living In the Office. To be perfectly honest, updating dull dull dull accounts is infinitely easier while sitting cross-legged on a sofa and watching reruns of anything on TV. And, to be more perfectly honest (pluperfect?), getting much done at the office while other people are there is perhaps more of a Platonian Ideal than an Aristotelian Reality. (And where else, The Cube asks, do you get both Plato and Aristotle in a business discussion?)

Back to Reality: The Cube, and many others, use, abuse and are in turn abused by the Virtual Private Network system on a regular basis. This weekend, for instance. 'Arranged Monday's scheduled activities with the comfortable knowledge that Saturday morning would be devoted to The Company - via the VPN.

The VPN is down. No access. No message why no access. No literal IT person to contact - it's Saturday - and, hence, no virtual network to work on.

The Cube is not alone. All along the grapevine of Fellow Cubes, a cellphone message of despair sings: "But I needed this finished by Monday!"

It will not happen. Monday will come. We Cubes will troop in. Nothing will be ready.

Responsibility betrayed by a Virtual Iago.

Erased

Yes, of course: it's Friday the 13th.

The Cube has just learned that the extensive, paperless document archive set up over the past month was not automatically archived by the IT Dept as promised - well, it was archived, but they have no way short of several hundred dedicated man-hours of retrieving it - and the database was accidentally erased by a user in the department who was not supposed to have read-write access. I don't blame that user; he didn't know. But still...

We are erased. Non-existent. Null.

TGIF

I Didn't Mean To Confuse You

I didn't mean to confuse you. Honestly.

I only sent you an updated copy of the same report you got back in November - and September - and July. It's the same set of information we prepared for you and you were supposed to implement back in August - and October - and December.

Now, though, I see by your startled expression that this is all complex and confusing to you. It is as if you have never seen it before and this is the first time we have dumped this on your desk. This, of course, is how you must present it to our managers, those who have mandated action without caring about the details. Yes, you will report it as an "unexpected change in scope."

No, I didn't mean to confuse you - I only thought that we both knew what we were doing.

We create our own hells

The new year is the time to start fresh. You'd think....

So no one likes bureaucracy and paperwork and the crap that gets in the way of "doing the job." (Slight correction required here: there are entire departments consigned to those tasks, but they are peopled by demons, succubi and angels fallen from grace.)

Focus, Cube: No one likes it - and the new year, with its new projects and schedules and programs, is the perfect opportunity clean the slate and set things up right. Right?

Ri...

The Cube has fallen into the role of administrator the past couple of years - a non-management, "support" person with zero authority and only a few ways to help "behind the scenes" - but an admin-in-part nevertheless. This gives The Cube a cat's eye seat watching the managers recreate the same complex bureaucratic bongles that bungle their conscientiously conceived creative programs year after year.

We don't have to make every activity and sub-activity into a fully-reportable, Gantt-charted "project" --- but we do --- even though, last year, that Byzantine structure resulted in three projects getting singled out by the regulatory agencies as "improperly documented." "Improperly" because - and The Cube bears True Witness - no one can figure out Who reports What to Where.

And now here we are again today, rebuilding that same Tower of Babel-To-Be for a new year and a new project leader.

I like the Nimrod manager who is designing this Tower for his new-hire project leader, but I don't know how to talk to him. He looks at me with expectant wet eyes, like a puppy dog proud that he has peed on the newspaper as trained, unaware that it was today's edition. I want power to cut off heads.

But, thanks to this newly-created mini-hell, I will have job security for the next year "supporting" its incoherency.

Why cheat?

'Can't quite figure the logic: we have a distributor who has started contracting with another manufacturer to make a rip-off version of a product that we already make - and he sells.

I say "logic" because I can't understand the business sense behind such an obviously unethical act. I'd use the word "dishonesty," but apparently it's not illegal - and fairly common. But what's the sense? An extra 2 cents profit margin? The chance to piss off us? Ill will & lost trust as the costs of doing business?

Proust Lives: Remembrance of Time Past

'Probably noticed this before in these Notes from The Cube, but since this entry is about, in the immortal words of Yogi Berra, deja vu all over again, why not repeat myself ?. . .

'Looked at the new year analysis and forecast from the high tech group. An impressive 10-pager. Many observations, some salient points - certainly some hard-nosed-but-optimistic forecasts on how the industry will evolve.

And the wording is lifted, almost line-for-line, from the high tech group's annual forecast/analysis of two years ago.

Which was copied, almost line-for-line, from the forecast/analysis from five years ago.

Curiosity tweaked, I looked at last year's forecast/analysis: it was a cut-and-past job from the doc two years before it - and two years before that, there was a . . . .

For those of us plodding along with our yearly struggles to review the situation and provide new insights on our areas of expertise, there is a lesson here: recycling. Apparently The Cube's adage "If you write it, no one will read it" holds true on the strategic level.

And who foolishly said that those who are ignorant of history are doomed to repeat it? What's the "doom"? Have you seen the increasing budget allocations for the high-tech group?

Oops! Forgot to tell the Project Leader

Hank writes his new year Note from The Cube . . .

Funny thing happened last week while setting up a "Track the Pack" departmental Project List for the new year: 'seems the people who are supposed to do those projects for the next year weren't informed of that fact.

Awkward, you see, since the "Track The Pack" list is just a monitoring tool, not The Message itself. We here in our Admin cubes don't make decisions, we just follow the progress of those decisions, make charts illustrating the progress (we make beautiful charts) and disseminate those charts to the executives. (More precisely, we give it to our VP alone, who theoretically shares it with her equals.)

Consequenently, then, we found out about the gap between the Project List we Adminnie Cubes possessed - and the Project Leaders' knowledge of their duties - when it turned out there was zero zip zilch progress on everything listed to us as "New."

Now this gets really funny funny when you realize that the "New" projects were painstakingly negotiated during a two month Budget process that, in theory, found every Manager meeting with his reports, then presenting their plans to the Directors - who, in turn, visited them upon the VP - then back-and-forth a few times as projects were rejected outright, more info was asked on some, some were revived as other departments were consulted, da-da-dum da-dum. Long process.

It beats me, then, how seven out of seven Project Leaders did not apparently know what their new projects starting the new year are supposed to be.

How could Management...?

Then again, these selfsame Seven (and their seven times seven cohorts in the related departments) have a collective amnesia about such do-dads as ISO standards, FDA regulatory procedures and OSHA equipment guidelines. Hence, annually, we all get the joy of being retrained in stuff that I have memorized from repetitious boredom - an' ah dinna even do tha tasks!

So... Is it a typical Management communication-by-osmosis glitch --- or equally typical Employee selective memory?

If Spike is listening

Dear Spike,

I know you are wounded, hurt and aggrieved - rightfully so. But the value is always your brain: don't let your emotions overwhelm your common sense. Step back and play it smart. Don't show your hand too soon; let them do all the work. They made mistakes, but if you let this sound "personal" they'll take it as weakness and (a) close ranks and (b) bring on some legal guns you haven't seen to crush you. They like crushing those they think are weaker (well, they may not "like" it, who know what they think?, but they do it often enough) - they only seem to respect those they perceive as stronger. And their perceptions are that all emotions are signs of weakness. These are the bland boys and marshmallow men of modern industry.

So use your brain and find the unemotional chinks in their position. Hint at those chinks (don't threaten, hint). Then let them know that you know about those chinks. Cite a paragraph in an old agreement. Mention royalties and - fear, fear on their side - a need for fiscal accounting. Make them work.

These words were never written to you.

Eternity

It is today.

The problem existed yesterday.

And the day before.

And the week before. The month before. The quarter before.

Jed is "working on the problem."

We sent him the information on the problem yesterday.

And the day before. And the week, month, quarter, year . . .

Jed's predecessor was "working on the problem."

It has been mandated from Above that the problem will be "addressed."

TO: The Creator
.......3265 Eternity Drive
.......The Universe

It probably won't get there without a zip code, but it is addressed now.

[Postscript Notes from The Cube: Different department than yesterday. This is not a broken record broken record broken record - ]

Problem Solved

The new year starts with an old problem: what are we supposed to do about it?

But the problem is not the problem. The problem is that we are told that the problem is "solved - there is no problem."

But it's still there.

No, apparently, it isn't.

New Year, New Policy?

And so the NEW YEAR has begun, filled with bright promise, renewed energy and ... new policies?

Well, they're published. They exist. exist. exist.

Much like Congress on the week before Christmas, we pushed through an ambitious set of NEW DIRECTIONS for the upcoming year. Now, again like Congress, we have these "unfunded mandates" hanging around waiting to be actually, sort of, possibly (maybe...?) implemented.

It's a grand slate of goals. Too bad the PTBs* haven't mentioned any of them in our daily briefings so far. The policies are published on the bulletin board and on the company intranet and we all see them.

But, lately, eyes are averted when walking past the bulletin board - and, by Day 3 of the New Year, the Policy Page has been moved to a 1-line link on the intranet.

It will happen, though. It will happen.


* PTB: Powers That Be

My bright machine

Kyra writes her new year's song sung Notes from the Cube . . .

Bronchitis and breath mints too
Sweet candy to quench the cough
Are the bromides we need to take
After having one week off.

Two headaches for every day
Three trips to the rest room door
Used up the sick days a new year starts
Just like last year, what a bore.

Plans have been made
Smiles are in place
The Prez says "Now,
We start the race!"
The budget's approved
And the schedule's set
But our bodies don't know it
We're still - in last year - yet.

Four weeks until the next day off
Time to rebuild the psyche, see:
The new year's started, the clock is on
Make ourselves into the business machine.

Run that machine

Turn my gears and oil my soul

My bright machine . . .

Back to the Trenches: Roll Call for the Departed

Everyone came back to work today. New Year. 'New Vice President is starting full time. Those who vacationed between Christmas and New Year's Day, about half the department, didn't know till this morning that Dan the Hyper-active Boss Man was fired last week.

They weren't "told" today, either. Since the new VP had informed our department meeting last week, he didn't feel it necessary to repeat himself. He was right: by 9 AM, everyone in the cubes knew via the "voice mail" system (aka the "rumor mill" - except that this time it was fact).

So... Spike the Genius has been segued out of commission; Dan the Hyper-Active Boss Man is gone; one hears tell from the man himself that Jim the Lead is thinking of early retirement - wanting to walk out the front door at his own pace, I guess. Changes, changes, changes.

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Well, honestly, can anyone do anything after last night?